Why Do Men Enjoy and Want Sex?

Almost all men who answer that they enjoy having sex with women say they enjoy sex. But why? Almost everyone assumes that men enjoy and desire orgasm during sex, yet, as men repeatedly point out, they can easily achieve orgasm through masturbation. In fact, most men say they achieve a more intense orgasm through masturbation. So why do men enjoy sex?

Physical Pleasure
*Orgasm

Only 3% of men mentioned orgasm when answering “Why do you enjoy sex?” Here are some typical answers:

“Simply put, the greatest pleasure is pushing an erect penis into a beautiful, tight vagina and experiencing the resulting orgasm.”

“Sex is the ultimate sexual pleasure for me… the orgasm during sex is incomparable to any other sexual pleasure.”

“I enjoy sex primarily on a physical level. I use women to relax. Stimulating the penis brings a wonderful feeling.”
*The Pleasure of the Vagina Enveloping the Penis

Perhaps some might argue that even if orgasm itself isn’t what makes men enjoy sex, it might be the pleasure derived from vaginal stimulation of the penis. While men greatly enjoy vaginal friction, no one cites it as a reason for liking intercourse. Nevertheless, it’s interesting to examine the following responses to “How does your penis feel against your vagina” to help us understand men’s feelings about intercourse and the vagina.

Most men greatly enjoy this feeling, describing it with strong emotion:

“A beautiful embracing organ.”

“A warm welcome.”

“Comfortable.”

“Lovely, warm, and safe.”

“Just right, enveloped in a gentle squeeze.”

“Moist, soft, elastic, and vibrant.”

“Home.”

“An intimate and warm embrace.”

“Warm, intimate, sexy, beautiful, bright, joyful—it’s an incredibly wonderful feeling when everything is just right.”

“Like a velvet glove, a loving hand, a safe blanket.”

“Delicious.”

“Warm, moist, and an incredibly safe place.”

“Tight, warm cream.”

“The alluring softness and sensuality, almost Baroque, intoxicates one with a blissful ecstasy.”

“Like warm velvet, irresistible; I surrender to it, utterly powerless to resist.” *Intimacy and full-body embraces

Most men answered that physical intimacy and full-body contact—full-body embraces—were the most important physiological factor in their enjoyment of sex:

“More important than orgasm is being able to wrap your arms, legs, and any other part of your body around your partner. It makes you feel less alone, more alive. Nothing compares.”

“Sex is wonderful. Two people together, naked, touching, exploring, kissing, sucking, licking, teasing. Oh, why don’t I like sex?”

” “When I’m inside her, it’s when she holds me tightly in her arms, or strokes my hair or my back—that’s what truly satisfies me.”

“I love the intimacy of sex. It feels comfortable whether you’re emotionally invested or not. Being close to naked bodies, intertwined, feels wonderful.”

“Lying on top of her, feeling her warm body pressed against me, and her soft belly pressing against me. Oh! Indescribable, just thinking about it makes my heart flutter.”

“I love the feeling of our upper bodies pressed together, my breasts and nipples against hers.”

“The warmth of her body, her scent, her voice, her feelings, and her allure are simply divine. I’m so sure about her…” “To the outside world, I sound like a broken record, but when I’m inside her, all my senses are immersed in wonderful sensations. Many times, I don’t move at all inside her, so it doesn’t interfere with me, allowing me to completely revel in the sensations transmitted through my senses.”

“Intimacy with the other person is more important than orgasm. If all someone wants is orgasm, they can get it through masturbation. I know some people can only get intimacy from sex, and I think they’re closing themselves off.” Emotional and Psychological Reasons

Men say they derive true pleasure from sex—physical intimacy and recognition as ‘masculine,’ as well as psychological and emotional satisfaction (which involves the giving and receiving of acceptance, warmth, and validation). Furthermore, many men say that only during sex can they completely let loose and release pent-up emotions that they ‘should’ have suppressed at all other times.

*Feeling Loved and Accepted

The vast majority of men reported that sex gave them a feeling of being loved and accepted:

“Having sex with a woman revitalizes me, allows me to rediscover the joy of myself and the world around me, and makes me feel refreshed and whole—a part of life, not a vagabond.”

“I have a hundred reasons to enjoy sex. Most importantly, it makes me less lonely, elevates me, and lets me know that someone loves me and that I can love others.”

“The moment of sex is when I feel her wholehearted love for me.”

“For me, reaching orgasm during sex is not just a physical experience, but also a remedy for the soul. Sex eliminates all the tension and conflict that my partner and I have accumulated in daily life, while strengthening my self-image. I feel accepted, lovable, and therefore I can continue to live in this alienated world, maintaining my self-acceptance.”

“Sex is the ultimate acceptance. It’s as if she’s saying, ‘I completely and unconditionally accept you.’ Even if she’s not a long-term lover or doesn’t love me very much, during sex, she gives me complete approval.” “I think sex is psychologically very important to me, or for most men, because it brings ultimate security and complete acceptance. These feelings are even richer if she’s already very intimate with me.”

“I love the feeling of contact, and I love the feeling of being loved and willing to give my body. I appreciate the affirmation I receive; it’s wonderful.”

“When she offers her vagina, it means my partner desires to love and satisfy me, desires to be a part of me, desires to accept my dominance or control.”

“Sex constantly affirms the intimacy between me and my partner. It tells me she loves me, gives me confidence, and even though my sexual ability is declining, I feel needed.”

“I don’t know how to explain it, but sex is the ultimate experience. The feeling of orgasm during sex isn’t that great, and masturbation is better. But I cherish intimacy with women, and sex fulfills that desire. Sex is ultimate acceptance, and that’s important to me.”

In fact, in many responses, men tend to express a need, sometimes an almost desperate craving, rather than enjoyment of sex. Sometimes they feel the meaning of the act itself—coupled with passion and the touch of hands—acceptance, affirmation, and even an almost ineffable blessing.

Furthermore, the love and acceptance many men feel after intercourse and orgasm comes not only from the individual woman, the physical or emotional pleasure, but also from the cultural significance deeply ingrained in the act of sex. Through intercourse, men participate in cultural symbols, gain a sense of social belonging, and acquire a “masculine” status and identity.

*Expressing Emotions Without Self-Control

Some men also mentioned that intercourse allows for a natural outpouring of emotion, something they wouldn’t be able to do at other times:

“Intercourse is such a real experience; I feel closer to myself. I feel unrestrained and my mind is flowing.”

“Intercourse proves I’m alive, and I’m completely relaxed, expressing myself naturally. At other times, I’m like a robot.”

“The purpose of intercourse in life is to allow me to experience more. It’s a tool for interpersonal communication, something I’m not very good at, only scratching the surface. Intercourse allows me to express passion, warmth, tenderness, and appreciation to the women I value, and perhaps also to bring her richer feelings.” “If not maliciously distorted, sex is a beautiful and warm comfort in this cold world.”

“After we’re naked, conversations rarely touch on the weather or trivial matters. Emotions are unreserved and genuine.”

“I think I use sex to build relationships. Sex makes me feel freer and more open than I would at other times. Sex is also fun; it doesn’t solve life’s problems, but it usually eases tension, like a tranquilizer.”
*Giving Love

Some men express emotions verbally, while others feel that the act of sex and a woman’s orgasm are themselves a declaration, communication, or “emotional expression”—replacing verbal communication.

Some men seem to feel that achieving orgasm vaginally is a way of expressing love or care, often better than words:

“Orgasm is a dual physiological and emotional expression, releasing repressed sexual needs and emotions. During sex, I try my best to control myself, so at ejaculation I can fully feel the irrepressible giving and receiving.”

“During sex, I can convey emotions that cannot be expressed in words. I think sex is important. I’m not good with words; sex is my way of expressing how much I care about someone.”

“Sex is a clean and efficient way to express my strong feelings for someone. It’s probably the only way I feel comfortable.”

“My feeling is that intense physical contact is the only way to communicate basic concepts. I can only talk about business with men, not deep emotions. Sex says ‘I love you’—unless it’s based on marriage, and love has faded from the marriage.”

“When I enter her, I usually feel immense joy, victory, and desire; it’s like I’m expressing myself to my partner.”

What do men really mean when they say they express love through sex? Some men believe this might refer to the wonderful feeling during ejaculation, the fleeting passion and ecstasy brought on by teasing and orgasm, accompanied by a tender affection poured onto their partner with whom they share and create:

“Sex is most appealing on a physiological level, releasing pent-up sexual urges and ‘overloaded’ semen. However, without emotional investment, it’s less satisfying. Love is an emotion; if the experience isn’t pleasurable, one might never attempt sexual contact again.”

Or it could have a symbolic meaning:

“Reaching orgasm during intercourse is the ultimate expression of my love for my wife; I want to penetrate her, to put my body and semen inside her.”

But more… Many men believe they provide the stimulation women need and “give love”:

“For me, intercourse is the most physically and emotionally satisfying sexual activity. This is because of the fairness inherent in sex; we both experience pleasure and stimulation simultaneously, without one party ‘serving’ the other. This fairness is a great liberation for me.”

“When I ejaculate inside my partner, I experience indescribable joy and unparalleled satisfaction, especially knowing that I give her the same pleasure.”

Many men believe that reaching orgasm during intercourse with a woman also gives her an orgasm, or gives her the opportunity to experience one, and therefore, shows her love. This is a misconception created by our culture. In fact, most women require more specific clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. On the other hand, many women experience great enjoyment during intercourse, regardless of whether they orgasm, especially when they have strong feelings for their partner. Therefore, in a sense, men may be correct in believing that they are giving women “love” during intercourse. Many women also fail to reach orgasm, are unable to assert their needs, and do not feel loved, but rather used.

In short, sex and intercourse are almost always the moments when many men feel free, or when they gain emotional fulfillment and full expression. Similarly, many men feel that the only appropriate way to demand love and affection is through sex and intercourse. Traditional cultural upbringing teaches that women are emotionally expressive and have the right to need and pursue affection, while men are expected to be objective, rational, self-sufficient, and not emotional. In fact, if a man is overly emotional or expressive, or if his behavior shows a need for love, he is often perceived as “effeminate,” “weak,” or “unmanly.” For these reasons, men expect sex and intercourse to provide the appropriate time and place to express their emotions. The fact that intercourse is almost the only time men can fully express their emotions and be “unrestrained” may, to some extent, explain why men often feel they cannot obtain enough sex and intercourse.

Many men are emotionally expressive and articulate during intercourse, but remain taciturn in daily life, often going too far, even joking about emotions or mocking others’ expressions. This culturally created binary can confuse and mislead many women, who are unsure which emotions are genuine. Is it the emotions during sexual intercourse, or the emotions expressed (or unexpressed) in daily life? Such situations often cause significant frustration for women, yet the men involved often fail to understand why the women are frustrated, leading to a cycle of estrangement and problems in the relationship. This is just one example of how culture instills conflicting values ​​and psychological needs in men and women from a young age, resulting in a lack of understanding between them later in life.

*An Opportunity for Love*

Some men say that sex is an important way to maintain intimacy in a relationship, besides conversation:

“It’s not for orgasm, because I can easily achieve it myself. It’s for the incredible intimacy we experience during and after sex. This feeling lingers even after sex, helping to maintain the integrity and health of the relationship. I don’t just have sex for about an hour of pleasure; it’s for all the feelings that make our relationship worthwhile—love, friendship, respect, interest, care, and so on.”

“I enjoy sex, more psychologically than physically. If I only wanted physical pleasure, masturbation would suffice. At the climax of sex, the mind and soul merge—it’s indescribable, it’s wonderful. Fulfilling sex often means a good relationship, that we’re happy together. Unsatisfactory sex means there’s something preventing us from being intimate in other ways, which is extremely frustrating.”

“Sex makes me feel like a person, it brings my wife and me closer, and we can open our hearts to each other.” “Sex brings comfort. How frustrating it is to have no one to talk to! Sex allows you to confide in her about things that don’t concern you to others, and she’s willing to listen.”

“My feeling about sex is that I love her so much, I want to be completely integrated into her. For me, sex is entering her body, becoming one with her, even our breathing and heartbeats are synchronized. When we’re connected, the penis becomes part of her body. That’s why I don’t want to pull out after I’m done, I want to stay longer.”

“I love sex so much. But some things have changed. In the past, I just wanted to release my sexual desire, but now sex has become a fusion of physical and emotional needs. After marriage, I quickly learned equality, and now we coordinate and share sex. The penis still feels aroused, but the satisfaction comes from loving and being loved.” Ideological and Cultural Reasons

*Proving Masculinity

Men have always believed that sex includes intercourse, primarily due to traditional pressures and the traditional meaning of intercourse. Intercourse symbolizes masculinity and proves male identity. The historical reason here is to create a social system that enhances fertility. However, the historical reasons have long been forgotten, while the symbolism continues to flourish. In patriarchal societies, sexual intercourse or an erect penis symbolizes masculinity, and this masculinity is recognized by individual women and the culture as a whole.

To what extent are men’s desire for and acceptance of sexual intercourse a product of cultural accumulation?

Some men didn’t answer whether they enjoyed sexual intercourse, simply stating that men naturally want to have sex—it’s a natural and unavoidable expression of male sexual urges. For these men, sexual intercourse is a way to prove their masculinity:

“Sex proves I’m a man; sex grants me full citizenship in the world of my kind. Without sex, I feel less like a man, less like a person.”

“Masturbation is more satisfying, but sexual intercourse makes you a man. I like it.”

“I think most of my views on sex are very open-minded and progressive, but I believe the Creator gave men a penis and women a vagina for a reason: for sexual intercourse.”

“Sexual intercourse is a natural instinct, proving you’re a man.”

“Peniral-vaginal intercourse is the only true sexual act. Other acts may be interesting, but they are not sex.”

“Sex fulfills my sense of self and the fantasies I gleaned from male chauvinism and men’s magazines.”

“Basically, I enjoy sex for selfish reasons, to receive pleasure rather than give pleasure; it’s a fundamental characteristic of the primal sexual urges naturally endowed to men.”

“I feel great, powerful, and manly…exciting, unrepressed…feeling successful, a masculine fulfillment, transmitting joy to my partner, being accepted by my partner, we share something.”

“Sex is important to men because it relieves the pressure of male desire. Many criminals and people with questionable behavior are driven by a lack of outlets for these desires. Sex is a normal human need.” “As a healthy man, sex is very important to me. The meaning of sex is the normal functioning of the human mind and body.”

“The purpose of sex is reproduction. Sex is a biological concept; our bodies are inherently programmed to need sex. I have sex because my body craves it, not because of love or wanting to be close to someone, or because I desire to dominate or degrade others, or be dominated and humiliated. We are animals, therefore we are bound and governed by animalistic sexual needs.”

“The key point is: some, or most, women don’t understand that men are very easily aroused by small things, and this expansion of desire is, in a sense, uncontrollable. This is why men…” “It’s always like this, we really can’t help it. This isn’t an excuse, it’s a reason, it’s a physiological fact. By the way, men get aroused when they drive fast, and the same goes for other activities that demonstrate masculinity. If I take my clothes off in the car, I’ll almost get an erection. Seriously, don’t be embarrassed about it, we’re all lecherous, always looking at ourselves with lustful eyes.”

“Men are simple, they want soft things, and women have those. Women are more reserved, so there’s an adaptation, a price to pay, and a transaction.”

“My appetite for sex is similar to my appetite for food: the more I wolf it down, the more insatiable I tend to be! My attitude is healthy, I’m a healthy man.”

“I…” He believes women crave satisfaction and abundant love because they derive more from extensive foreplay and affection than from actual orgasm. Men, like male animals, don’t truly desire this affection; they are strong and want to release their energy and achieve fulfillment. Then she should leave, giving him peace and quiet.

“I enjoy sex; it makes me feel like a man. I believe I feel a constant calling from deep within, urging me to pursue sex. I’m happy to be a man and to fulfill these masculine desires. I love an erect penis, and I know my partners love it too. I feel happy when I know I bring them pleasure.”

*Sex is a symbol of male power.

For some men, confirming their masculinity isn’t just about having sex, but more importantly, about possessing or conquering women, feeling in control, and experiencing a sense of superiority:

“I enjoy sex because of the wonderful feeling I get from it. I feel more like a man than ever before. A woman’s body is always a challenge; you never know how it will respond. It’s like a great tennis match—you hit a beautiful shot, and the return is even more powerful. A woman’s body is a mountain waiting to be climbed, a house inviting you to live.”

“Knowing that a woman has sexual desire for me makes me feel incredibly good. It’s like she’s saying, ‘How much I want you, I’m completely defenseless.’ It makes me feel euphoric.” “Sexual intercourse brings me physical pleasure, a release from sexual pressure, and a certain degree of possession. It’s a sense of superiority.”

“I like sex because it can impregnate a woman; I think that’s a bit of a chauvinistic mentality. But if a man fails in other areas, sex makes him feel like a successful man.”

“I must admit, sex carries a sense of controlling a woman, like a master-servant relationship, signifying that I’ve breached all her defenses.”

“Sexual intercourse means I have this woman. I like women to submit to me.”

“Sexual intercourse feels like forcefully planting seeds in a woman’s body, yet I’m not usually rough with women. It’s more like using a weapon to deeply penetrate her.” “I’ll reach her deepest point, let her witness my virility.”

“Usually, when I insert my penis into her vagina, I feel incredibly powerful, like God. My masculinity makes me intoxicated. This action, and the subsequent thrusting, makes me feel exhilarated. In my opinion, most male impulses are about physically dominating women. I don’t want to hurt anyone or be hurt, so I won’t get into that kind of trouble. However, I must admit that this thought can sometimes be exhilarating.”

*Male sexual impulses are a component of ideology

Male sexual impulses are part of our social ideology. There is no biological or physiological evidence that men have a “sexual impulse” for intercourse. While both men and women occasionally experience the need or urge for orgasm, there is no evidence that men physiologically “need” a vagina to achieve orgasm, or that any endocrine or “instinctive” factor drives men to pursue women or vaginas.

Other mammals enjoy many forms of physical contact, but they only engage in intercourse when the female is in estrus. As many primate experts have described, most mammals spend more time caring for and affectionating each other than engaging in specific sexual (genital) contact. Mammals and other animals also masturbate, and homosexuality is quite common. Among animals, mice, rabbits, porcupines, squirrels, ferrets, horses, cows, dogs, baboons, monkeys, and chimpanzees have been observed and documented engaging in such behavior.

Our culture seems to assume that since (theoretically) sexual desire is a natural necessity for reproduction, then sexual intercourse is (or should be) an “instinctive” behavior. However, if we observe other animals, it is clear that other forms of contact, like sexual intercourse, are also expressions of “instinct.” Perhaps masturbation is a more natural behavior than sexual intercourse, because isolated chimpanzees have no concept of sexual intercourse, but almost all of them masturbate from birth.

If sexual intercourse is truly “instinctive,” and other behaviors are “unnatural,” why do we need laws and social systems to promote and require sexual intercourse (especially in marital relationships), while simultaneously enacting strict criminal laws and taboos to oppose other forms of sexual behavior? *Social Constraints*

A few men pointed out that their desire for sex might be influenced by their cultural upbringing:

“Physiologically, I love sex; it’s an intimate feeling of bodies being tightly intertwined. But I understand that my reactions to sex are significantly influenced and constrained by culture, and not purely about seeking pleasure.”

“If it’s meaningful sex, it feels good and satisfying. However, having 35…” After years of experience, I feel our culture overvalues ​​sex. Sex doesn’t always lead to orgasm, yet our culture emphasizes “it should.” Whether someone enjoys sex depends on many factors—the partner, their physical and mental state, the meaning and purpose, and whether they are tired, frustrated, or comfortable, etc. A couple can achieve complete satisfaction without sex.

“Sex gives me physical pleasure and makes me feel no different from others. The latter reason is purely social, especially the pressure from colleagues. This isn’t a good reason for sex; it causes significant pain and anxiety afterward. I try to get rid of this pressure, but it’s difficult.”

“Pulse-penetrating sex is related to role-playing learned in adolescence. For years, men and women have each played their own roles, accepting passionate lies from each other. Men boast to men, while women become increasingly confused, not understanding what sex is really about. I was also trapped in this ignorance for many years, trying my best to ejaculate frequently inside as many women as possible.”

*Boys are educated to equate sex with masculinity.

“I’ve always felt a huge…” The immense pressure to prove my masculinity by riding on top of women prevented me from interacting with women, let alone having sex. I had to do it, or I’d be considered abnormal; everyone thought sex was amazing. This pressure spawned pathetic theories, such as, “Women always want it, even if they say no.” Therefore, I had no excuses. If I couldn’t find a woman, it was my fault; I was a failure. I feel this pressure delayed my sexual growth and experience, while unduly exaggerating the importance of sex. Those nights in college, even when my partner and I were deeply aroused… “Fairy, without sex, I’m still not satisfied.”

“In high school, some girls were available to anyone. If you couldn’t sleep with your date, you were supposed to go to them; they’d ‘serve anyone,’ and the boys had to ‘be served.’ I didn’t like it, but the pressure was immense. Lying was stupid, and this inherent hostility and competition made me even more frustrated. But if you didn’t join this game of charades, your buddies wouldn’t accept you anymore. If you didn’t, you had to pretend or lie. I felt forced to ‘have sex,’ everyone did.”