Sexual psychology of both sexes – harmony, mutual delight and fun

Chapter 1 8 psychological commonalities of male and female sexual behavior

Selfishness – the sky of sex can only accommodate you and me

Selfishness in sexual behavior is an important feature that distinguishes humans from animals.

1. Sexual jealousy is an important manifestation of sexual selfishness

Sexual exclusivity is a very common psychology in gender relations. It is first of all a manifestation of true love. Sexual jealousy can also lead to serious adverse consequences. For example, a very few men will die together when they find that their lovers are dating or in love with other opposite sexes.

2. Dominant sexual life

It is manifested as one party putting himself in a dominant position in sexual life and the other party in a subordinate position. Men have urgent sexual demands and often only care about their own venting and satisfaction, without considering the needs and feelings of the other party, simplifying sexual life and even leading to emotional breakdown.

Novelty – once the secret is revealed, a new secret is born

Humanity’s novelty and creative spirit are the driving force for social development and one of the greatest qualities of mankind. If humans lack this mentality, where will inventions come from? How can society move forward? Humans also have a strong desire for novelty and curiosity in sexual behavior.

The desire of adolescents to explore sexual knowledge is the inevitable result of the development of sexual psychology in adolescence. It is a normal psychological manifestation, not shame or sin. Human sexual consciousness is the core of human sexual psychology and the determining factor of sexual behavior; correct and healthy sexual consciousness will play a positive role in human growth, love, marriage, work and study; wrong and distorted sexual consciousness will play a negative role and even lead to sexual crimes. The desire for novelty in sex runs through the whole process of human physiological and psychological development.

The psychology of novelty drives people to constantly pursue new goals, but any new thing is potentially dangerous, so it must be treated with caution. If a person is bound by social laws and moral norms and maintains sufficient control over the psychology of novelty, he can live his life faithfully, otherwise he may go to the abyss of sin and end up being punished by law and deserted by his friends and relatives.

Once a man and a woman in love are married in the bridal chamber, all their psychological and physiological secrets are revealed to each other, and the expectation of possession of each other is realized. The mystery and desire for pursuit of the opposite sex in the past begin to fade, and everything becomes commonplace. Those who have sex before marriage should pay special attention to the fact that if both parties expose their sexual secrets to each other too early and are possessed too early, not only will the relationship not be stable, but it will also cast a shadow on the future marriage.

Vulnerability – How many unbearable burdens are there in sex

Normal sexual response is easily disturbed by mental factors, which is the psychological fragility of sexual behavior. Among these interference factors, anxiety is the first, and anger, hostility and resentment are also critical. If this fragility is not handled well, it may lead to the breakdown of marriage.

Anxiety interferes with the mental state required for normal sexual life, especially the ability to concentrate on sexual life, and diverts the attention of sexual erection, thus weakening the important driving force of erectile stimulation. Common anxiety interference factors include the following:

1. Quarrel anxiety

It is inevitable for couples to have quarrels, but they should discuss the matter at hand. Never curse, ridicule or mock each other, never have sex with anger, and never try to solve life problems by refusing or forcing sex, otherwise it will leave mental scars, emotional cracks, marital hidden dangers, and it is also easy to cause sexual dysfunction.

2. Anxiety caused by anger

Anger can directly interfere with sexual response and cannot occur at the same time as sexual excitement. Anger is more likely to hurt feelings, and it will become more serious each time. Under anger, if either party forces sex, it will deepen the psychological trauma.

3. Stimulation anxiety

Sexual anxiety caused by stimulation or blows, and then fear of failure in sexual life, is the most common manifestation. It will make the anxious person fear sexual behavior, find various excuses to avoid sexual life, and lead to psychosomatic diseases over time.

4. Pregnancy anxiety

If the woman is afraid of pregnancy during sex, her sex life will inevitably be affected. In the case of adultery or premarital sex, pregnancy anxiety may cause low libido in women and sexual dysfunction in men. Therefore, safe and effective contraceptive methods are important conditions for women to achieve orgasm.

5. Stress-related anxiety

The wife is responsible for childbearing, but she is afraid and worried about childbearing and is unwilling to give birth. The elders and husband are eager to have children. The wife may have psychological pressure, causing tension, depression and other emotions, leading to reduced sexual demands and sexual responses, not only unsatisfactory sex life, but also infertility.

Threshold sex – once the bottom line is broken, it is difficult to find the feeling again

Human sexual behavior has a threshold in physiology, psychology and even physical strength. It is impossible to keep sexual excitement at a threshold level for a long time. For example, the duration and hardness of male erections peak at the age of 20 to 30, and then decline year by year; the number of morning erections and sexual ability peak at the age of 35, and then decline with age.

As men adapt to sex and age, their sensitivity to sexual stimulation decreases and their tolerance increases. At this time, it is necessary to change the way of making love or increase the intensity and time of stimulation to reach a certain threshold level. This is the psychological basis for keeping love fresh and coordinating sex life. It is not good to have too strong and long-term stimulation, which will form a vicious stimulation, causing one or both parties to feel disgusted, and will inevitably affect sexual harmony over time. High-intensity stimulation such as pornographic novels and videos will increase the psychological threshold of sexual behavior and enhance tolerance. After a long time, the penis will not be able to erect, which is a manifestation of sexual nerve fatigue.

Weak stimulation that does not reach the minimum threshold often cannot cause sexual excitement, so that both parties cannot reach orgasm. After a long time, it will lead to reduced sexual desire, sexual boredom, and premature termination of sexual life of couples, that is, “premature aging” or “coldness”. Long-term sexual suspension will cause the penis erectile function to decline and the abandoned vagina to appear prematurely. Middle-aged and elderly people should pay special attention to it.

Adaptability-a wonderful life requires constant renovation

The psychology of sexual behavior is adaptive. It is the responsibility of both parties to take the initiative to carry out adjustment activities and change the monotonous and boring sexual lifestyle. It is the best measure to prevent sexual transfer and the glue for a happy family life.

1. Psychological adjustment

The psychological coordination of the couple is the basis for the success of love and the coordination of sexual life. Sexual life is concerned about each other, takes care of each other, and satisfies each other; the psychological compatibility of the couple leads to a happy family life.

2. Behavioral adjustment

Both parties should change the time and method of making love to avoid monotony and increase freshness. Face-to-face intercourse is the basic posture of human intercourse. Any other intercourse posture is harmless, and the method of intercourse does not need to be rigid, as long as the sexual life is harmonious and satisfying. However, women’s sexual sensitivity areas vary greatly, and the time, place, psychology, physiology, emotions, etc. are all changing. Women are not willing to have sex at any time. Husbands cannot force their wives to adapt to themselves in any way. A sexual life that satisfies both husband and wife is a moderate sex life. The density of sexual life should not be a burden to either the wife or the husband, and each sexual life should bring great happiness to both parties.

3. Understanding sexual adjustment

Lack of sexual knowledge is often an important reason for an unhappy sex life. Couples should learn sexual knowledge purposefully, actively talk about their sexual desires and sexual feelings, observe their sexual rhythms together, and try to find their own or common characteristics.

4. Clothing adjustment

Use changes in clothing, hairstyles, cosmetics, etc. to convey sexual information.

5. Environmental adjustment

Years of family life often form a fixed routine, which often makes people bored and their sex life boring. Changing the family environment can be used as a means of adjustment.

Externality – positive energy from the inside out

After both parties of sex have obtained sexual pleasure and satisfaction, their physiological repression is released, they feel relieved in their hearts, and they have obtained a positive energy outside of sex, which is the externality of sex. After the sexual hunger of the couple is satisfied, they will have positive performance in their attitude towards each other, in their treatment of housework, in their education and care for their children, in their handling of interpersonal relationships, and in their careers.

Experimental observations have shown that in the first three months of widowhood, the death risk of widowers increases by 48%, and the death risk of widows increases by 22%; the death rate of widowers within 10 years is twice as high as that of married people. This is because the psychological pressure after widowhood causes reduced immunity, decreased testosterone, and impaired body functions. It can be seen that a perfect sex life is also very important for people’s physical health.

Equality – Men and women are equal in all aspects

People usually think that men are in an active position in sexual behavior and women are in a subordinate position. This is a misunderstanding. Experiments have shown that there is no master-slave position in the sexual life between husband and wife. Both husband and wife should play the leading role; both are the initiators and the passive participants in sexual behavior; both are the donors and the receivers of sexual information. As a legal couple, mastering rhythm, transmitting information, and adjusting methods are scientific methods of sexual behavior.

Boredom – Good flowers do not bloom forever, good times do not last forever

Sexual boredom is a continuous aversion reaction of human beings to sexual activities. It is the biggest threat to sexual satisfaction and often threatens family stability. Long-term monotonous married life makes couples regard sex life as a “routine”, especially women, who are often in a passive state of fulfilling their obligations, without happiness and satisfaction. If sexual boredom is not corrected and adjusted in time and continues to develop, it is likely to lead to three consequences: reluctant continuation of marriage, extramarital sex, and family divorce.

Adjustment is a means of increasing sexual attraction by using novelty, and it is the best way to overcome sexual boredom. Give full play to your creativity and imagination, and actively adjust your sexual psychology and behavior. It is entirely possible to free you from the shackles of dullness and create a happy and harmonious sex.

Chapter 2 Exploring the Sexual Psychology of Men

On the wedding night, men and women have some “sexual” affairs

On the wedding night, the groom is more about “verifying” his past experience, and he actually knows that the “fruit” of sex must be happiness. Because men have been experiencing orgasms in sexual dreams, nocturnal emissions, or masturbation since entering puberty. Although they are not married, they have had sexual activities for a long time. No matter how little they know about sex, they are much more than ordinary women. But the bride is often starting from scratch to understand her “sexual happiness”. On the one hand, she is full of yearning for the happiness and sweetness of marriage, and on the other hand, she has doubts, fears and uneasiness about the unknown sex life. This requires both parties to start learning about sex knowledge before marriage, and to dare to discuss the sex knowledge they have learned objectively before marriage.

In the sex life of newlyweds, the groom is often the active attacker, and the bride is often the passive recipient. Men are more sensitive to visual stimulation than women, and often can’t wait to see the bride undressing. Women are more sensitive to tactile stimulation than men. It doesn’t matter whether they see or not, but sufficient caressing is necessary. Therefore, the bride should be exposed later, and the groom should hug and kiss earlier. In addition, women have a much higher psychological need for privacy and security than men, and the groom should drive away the “eavesdroppers”. Women also need to hear continuous and affectionate love words.

The bride is more sensitive and fragile than the groom psychologically, and it is easy to “exaggerate” the groom’s mistakes, and even still have grudges many years later. Therefore, it is best for the groom to “say ugly things in advance” and ask her to understand in advance; the bride should also forgive the groom and give him some time to actively learn.

What men usually think about sex

1. Like confident women

Men usually like women who have the same qualities as them. Most men believe that women with strong self-confidence are more contagious to them, so wives should not intentionally “lower themselves” in front of their husbands.

2. Unwilling to be treated as a child

As a child, a woman observed her mother’s hard work and learned to feed the child, give selflessly, and pay attention to the needs of others. When she marries a man, she will subconsciously do the same. At first, men need this kind of care, but the more enthusiastic a woman is in playing the role of a mother, the more her husband treats her like his own mother, and it is difficult to repay with love. Women should not treat their husbands as children, but as capable and trustworthy friends.

3. When emotions are suppressed, they often use sex to relieve themselves

Men are unwilling to admit their weaknesses and often use sex as a means to vent their depression. When men feel fear, disappointment, and tension, they all hope to have a loyal partner by their side, so sex is an effective way for them to regain confidence and feel relieved. At this time, although the husband is physically vented, the inner tension is not eliminated, and the wife usually feels insulted and feels that she is a tool for the husband to vent his anger. The wife should find ways to share the pressure with her husband, make him feel safe, and speak out her heart. In this way, the couple will feel closer, and the sex life that follows will be more emotional and unforgettable.

4. Two different people before and after sex

Before sex, men are usually enthusiastic, tender, and sweet-talking, but after sex, they fall asleep. This is because for most men, a strong self-image is crucial, and completely losing their defensive consciousness is a psychological threat; sex is an experience in which men can express their feelings completely freely, but after sex, they must return to the reality of carrying heavy burdens. However, the wife will feel neglected.

5. Focus on sex itself

In sex, men and women have different enjoyment points. Women focus on experiencing warmth, while men are intoxicated by sexual stimulation and pleasure. Therefore, women often complain that their husbands only pay attention to sex and treat them as tools, while men complain that their wives are sexually cold. To resolve this contradiction, couples can try to switch roles, with men talking about the feelings of love and women trying their best to experience the pleasure of sex. In this way, both parties can enhance mutual understanding.

Men are afraid of being rejected when having sex

In order to maintain the passion and attraction between each other, men need to get clear messages from women that they like having sex with him.

Women like sex, but before they feel their desire, they will ask for more than men. Men can never keenly understand this because they have received too many messages from women that they don’t like sex throughout their lives. So, in order to maintain the passion and attraction between each other, men need to get clear messages from her that she likes having sex with him.

According to general rules, men’s interest in sex will only reach its peak when they are seventeen or eighteen years old. When having sex, the feelings of men and women are similar to the above pattern. Men only need a little caress to feel excited, while women need a longer time. Naturally, men will feel that women don’t like sex as much as he does.

And the mother’s attitude towards sex may also affect men. When he was young, if he was afraid that his mother would find out that he was increasingly interested in sex and girls, then he might think that sex was a bad thing. When he grows up and is with a woman he likes, these past subconscious influences may emerge and make him feel: “I can’t think about having sex with her all the time, otherwise I will be rejected.”

Past experience may not directly make a man lose interest in sex, but when a woman seems to be uninterested in sex, he will be more sensitive and easily feel rejected. When a woman is not in the mood for sex, he will unconsciously think: “I knew she didn’t want to have sex at all.”

There is an effective treatment for this tendency of men, that is, the woman constantly conveys the message that she likes sex to the man. The woman’s acceptance of sprint-style sex is the strongest message. And affirming and encouraging men to court is also a powerful positive message.

Men don’t like women to be too active in sex

One of the main reasons why couples stop having sex is that the man stops courting or the woman courts too much. If the woman is the one courting all the time, not only will she gradually become frustrated, but the man will also begin to lose interest in sex.

Women generally don’t understand that if they court the man more than he courts them, the man will eventually become very passive. A little bit of courting is good for a man, as it allows him to know when it is a good time to court a woman; on the contrary, if the woman is the one courting all the time, the man will no longer be excited and don’t know why.

If the woman courts too actively, the man will gradually lose interest and motivation to pursue. When the woman’s active pursuit is too prominent, the man’s passive receiving feminine characteristics will gradually strengthen. This imbalance will gradually erode the enthusiasm of both parties for the marriage.

Generally speaking, a man will not understand why he is gradually losing enthusiasm for his partner, and he will mistakenly think that he is no longer attractive. But if the woman can court him indirectly, as I pointed out earlier, he will regain his masculine characteristics.

Most men cannot accept their partners being too proactive in sex, which will eventually make men lose their desire. Some men like women taking the initiative at the beginning, but soon they are no longer attracted to this approach and find other women more attractive. Maybe at the beginning, a woman who takes the initiative to court will make him feel very comfortable because he can avoid the pressure of being rejected, but soon his enthusiasm will decrease.

Many women also complain that they don’t want to take the initiative to court all the time. My suggestion is that women should focus on how to make men feel at ease to court her, rather than directly courting.

Of course, women occasionally taking the initiative to court will not cause problems, but when women often take the initiative to court, there will be problems, and men will reduce the number of courtships or even lose interest completely.

What men like to do during sex

1. Turn off the lights when having sex

Generally speaking, most men like to have sex with the lights on because they like visual stimulation. But some men don’t like to turn on the lights. This is mostly because they are afraid of being overexcited. Turning off the lights to remove visual stimulation can control the speed of advancement.

2. Let the woman do whatever she wants

Some men like to lie still during sex and let the woman do whatever she wants. On the one hand, it may be because the belly is too fat and other postures are uncomfortable, and on the other hand, it may mean that he has an Oedipus complex.

3. Like to pat the woman’s buttocks

Some men have the habit of patting the woman’s buttocks during sex. This shows that he specializes in the number one stimulation point on the woman’s body that stimulates sexual excitement and has a tentative attitude towards sex. This kind of man may evolve into a sadist.

4. Must take the initiative in sex

This kind of man is afraid of being controlled by women and afraid of feeling useless. He only likes and can only accept being the master of sex.

5. Likes rape-style sex

Most rapists are old-fashioned and simple-minded people, and they have no confidence in themselves. Sometimes showing a tendency to rape and rough sex during sex is a way to vent aggressive ambitions and cover up inferiority complex.

6. Frequently changing places for sex

Frequently changing places during sex, such as from the bathtub to the terrace, then to the living room, and then back to the bedroom, may promote sexual pleasure for both parties, but it shows that the man is very uneasy, afraid that he cannot meet the woman’s requirements and worried that the woman will be disappointed in him.

7. Dressing neatly for sex

During sex, women are naked, but some men like to dress neatly. This shows that he may have a mentality of not giving anything as long as the other party is devoted. Such men may have a strong possessive desire for women, want to eliminate their humanity and turn them into sex tools, and their mentality is almost sadistic.

8. Like anal sex

Thirty to four out of ten men try anal sex. Anal sex is not a sexual perversion, nor does it mean that he must have homosexual tendencies. Most of them mean that he may like to challenge habits unusually, or express his infinite love for the other party, or just want to try some more intense actions.

9. Masturbation habits

When a man masturbates in front of a woman, the woman will think that he may masturbate because she cannot meet his needs. She will feel guilty. Women always think that these habits of men are very private and will not let her know. In terms of the way of getting along between husband and wife, the woman allows these habits to exist, which means that the woman is tolerant.

10. Like to have sex in dangerous places

Some men like to have sex in places where they may be discovered. For example, they insist on having sex on street corners or in telephone booths and get endless fun from it. This kind of men like to challenge the rules, which may also indicate that he has a tendency to exhibitionism.

11. Love to seek strange sexual stimulation

Some men need some stronger stimulation to ignite their sexual desire. For example, watching pornographic movies. This may be because the woman finds it difficult to satisfy his sexual desire. Some men even ask their women to have sex with another man and act as bystanders to get sexual stimulation. This is a manifestation of sexual perversion.

Men’s “hidden” words: sexual fears of men all over the world

1. Fear 1: Erection is not hard

The hardness of male genital erection is not only affected by sexual instinct, but also by many other factors such as work, life, and husband-wife relationship. If career pressure and life burden are too heavy, and the relationship between husband and wife is not harmonious, the penis will not be strong enough when it is erect. Even if other factors are not considered, from the perspective of natural age, men have the strongest sexual desire and the strongest erection when they are 18 to 25 years old. After 30 years old, men will feel less sexual impulse and occasionally have weak erections, but their ability to control sex will increase. Therefore, young and middle-aged men do not need to doubt their sexual function easily and blindly take various aphrodisiac and kidney-tonifying medicines. As long as they maintain physical and mental health, there will be no big problems. When the husband’s erection is not strong, if the wife treats the husband with suspicion, complaints or ridicule, it will make the problem worse. The correct attitude and practice is: choose the time when the husband is in a better mood or in the morning when the erectile function is good, caress his sexual organs or stimulate the vagina, which can effectively change the condition of weak erection.

2. Fear 2: Small sexual organs

Women are particularly concerned about the size of their breasts, while men are particularly concerned about the size of their sexual organs and feel deeply uneasy about the penis not being big enough. Not only unmarried men, but also many married men are no exception, especially afraid that their wives will care about it.

Male penises are long and short, just like people are tall and short (only gigantism and dwarfism are pathological, but after all, they are extremely rare), this is normal. Generally, a penis between 7 and 20 cm after erection is normal. Relatively short or long penises will not harm the sexual experience of both parties as long as you pay attention to the sexual position during sex. If the wife realizes that her husband is worried about the size of her sexual organs, she should actively persuade her husband and use practice to prove that your sex life is harmonious.

3. Fear three: not understanding the sexual needs of his wife

Many husbands are afraid that they do not understand the sexual needs of their wives and that their wives will not be satisfied. In terms of the difficulty of women to achieve orgasm, women’s self-stimulation may be more likely to obtain physical sexual satisfaction than their husbands’ caressing. So sometimes wives would rather masturbate than their husbands’ caress. But sex is a matter for both parties after all, mutual caressing and mutual stimulation, and sex completed together is far more perfect than doing it alone. A wise wife should give her husband more guidance to improve his sexual skills.

4. Fear 4: Short sex time

Men often think that the longer the sex time, the better. They think that the longer the time, the better their sexual function and sexual skills, and the more satisfied their wives will be. Therefore, men often brag about how long they have sex. In fact, this is a misunderstanding. Sexual intercourse time refers to the time from the insertion of the male penis into the vagina to the completion of ejaculation. This time is not as long as most people boast. According to statistical research, the average sexual intercourse time of couples is mostly between 5 and 9 minutes, and there are few men who can last for dozens of minutes or even more than an hour. If a man’s penis twitches in the vagina for more than half an hour without intentional control and does not ejaculate, and this happens frequently, then there is a suspicion of anejaculation. In addition, women’s sexual satisfaction is not proportional to the length of sexual intercourse. Therefore, men should not be superstitious that the longer the sexual intercourse time, the better. If the wife is really dissatisfied, then increasing the time of caressing before and after or adding some fresh ingredients to sex is also very effective.

5. Fear 5: Wife fakes orgasm

Sexual responses in couples’ sexual lives can be mutually responsive and mutually stimulating, and the sexual pleasure response obtained by one party will greatly satisfy the other party. This is especially true for husbands. When the wife reaches orgasm during sex, he will have a sense of pride and accomplishment. Some women realize this and will fake orgasm to comfort their husbands when they do not want to engage in sexual intercourse, feel unwell, or cannot reach orgasm. However, if the husband knows, his self-esteem will be greatly damaged and his sexual interest will drop sharply. Therefore, fake is not advisable. If you do not reach orgasm during sex, both parties should communicate frankly, find out the reasons, and overcome them together.

6. Fear 6: Wife cannot have multiple orgasms

When men reach orgasm, they ejaculate. Once ejaculation ends, they enter the refractory period and will no longer respond to any sexual stimulation. This is actually a self-protection mechanism: during the refractory period, semen accumulates in the male sexual organs, and the tense muscles of the whole body are relaxed to prepare for the next orgasm. But women do not have a refractory period and have the potential to reach orgasm multiple times in a row, but it takes some effort to realize this potential. Some husbands want their wives to reach orgasm multiple times in a row, but it often goes against their wishes. Sometimes the two of them are unhappy about it. Most women need to continue to be tender and caressed after an orgasm to slowly reduce their sexual excitement; a few women can get sexual satisfaction again if they are given corresponding and appropriate stimulation after an orgasm, but the excitement level is usually lower each time; some women enter a super-sensitive state in the sensitive parts of their body after an orgasm, and they only need the couple to hug and whisper to each other. If they are given caresses and stimulation, they will feel uncomfortable. In fact, as long as the couple can share happiness and intimacy in sex, one orgasm is enough. Don’t be tempted by the theory that women can reach multiple orgasms in a row.

Men are trapped in hostility and sexual jealousy

Male sexual hostility and jealousy are often silent and obscure. They tend to use “revenge” means in sexual behavior to vent their inner dissatisfaction with their wives, but it usually hurts themselves and their wives. Let’s look at the following examples:

Case 1: Not going home tonight

Before Liang Yi got married, his greatest pleasure was to go to the bar every weekend with a group of happy bachelors to drink beer and chat. After Liang Yi got married, he no longer came to the bar. The group of happy bachelors had seen his bride, who was petite and beautiful, a typical delicate wife. Friends said that the delicate wife had seduced Liang Yi’s soul. But within half a year, Liang Yi returned to his circle of friends, still drinking beer, still chatting, and must come every weekend, and not return late at night. Friends were puzzled and asked under the influence of alcohol, why did you come here instead of staying at home with your wife? Liang Yi answered under the influence of alcohol that the delicate wife had become a shrewd wife, and advised you not to get married as soon as possible.

After Liang Yi got married, he loved his wife madly, and his wife’s beauty made him addicted to the pleasure of bed. He felt very happy. However, Liang Yi soon discovered that his wife was a woman with strong material desires. Her love for fashion and high-end cosmetics far exceeded her love for her husband. The reason why she married Liang Yi was because he was rich. Liang Yi was in the pharmaceutical business and had made a lot of money in the past few years. Soon, Mrs. Liang mastered the key to controlling her husband. Every time Liang Yi asked for sex, his wife would ask him for money, and if he didn’t give her money, she would never get close to her. As a result, Liang Yi was forced to give in step by step and had to pay his wife a sum of money every time he had sex. Their marriage lasted for half a year in this abnormal state. One night, Liang Yi was returning home from outside and saw a man and a woman arguing on the road. He only heard the woman say, “No, at least ××× yuan, not less than this price.” Liang Yi immediately understood that it was a prostitute and a client doing a deal. He suddenly felt that this prostitute looked so much like his wife from her appearance to her voice to her figure? That night, Liang Yi’s interest in his wife disappeared completely. For many nights afterwards, Liang Yi had no interest in his wife. His inner disgust for sex became stronger and stronger. He began to go home as late as possible, and stayed out all night every weekend.

When a wife uses sex as a means of transaction to have sex with her husband, it will hurt the husband’s self-esteem and make him sexually hostile. The deterioration of the sexual relationship between Liang Yi and his wife is entirely due to Mrs. Liang’s wrong sexual means. If it is not corrected in time, it will lead to the serious consequence of the breakdown of the marriage.

Case 2: Encountering “40”

Since Huilan turned 40, her slim figure has become plump day by day. In contrast, her husband Li Gang looks thin. Friends and relatives laughed at her for bullying her husband and leaving all the good things for herself. She laughed it off. Looking at his increasingly fat wife, Li Gang felt unbalanced. He and his wife are the same age, but his wife looks much healthier than him. Since turning 40, Li Gang’s sexual function has begun to decline, while his wife Huilan’s sexual desire has not decreased, and the number of orgasms has increased. After the first sex, Li Gang felt more tired than any previous sex activity. He lay there motionless, staring at the ceiling. Li Gang was extremely angry at his wife’s satisfied look: No wonder I was getting thinner and thinner, she sucked away my “vitality”, but she was getting more and more romantic as she got older.

After that, Li Gang couldn’t bear to see his wife have an orgasm. Whenever Huilan had an orgasm during sexual activity, Li Gang would feel a sense of exhaustion. “You rarely had an orgasm in the past,” Li Gang said to his wife gloomily. “In the past, when the children were young, I was so tired that I didn’t have the mood.” Huilan hugged her husband and said beautifully. “Why are you still hugging me? I’m almost exhausted.” Li Gang pushed his wife away angrily. Huilan turned around obediently and fell asleep soon. She was simple-minded and didn’t notice her husband’s hostility at all.

After the age of 40, men usually begin to experience sexual dysfunction, while women tend to gain weight and have a strong sexual desire. These are all normal physiological phenomena. Some men are influenced by wrong traditional concepts and are afraid that their wives with healthy bodies and strong sexual desire will suck away their “vitality” and become sexually hostile. In fact, a harmonious sex life after the age of 40 will not only not harm the “vitality”, but on the contrary will create a positive environment and benefit the physical and mental health of both parties.

Case 3: A “third party” came

Dacheng’s wife gave birth to a big fat son, and Dacheng was overjoyed. Since his wife became pregnant, Dacheng has been looking forward to giving birth to a white and fat son, and his wish came true. But soon, Dacheng’s mood became bad. As soon as his son was born, he swaggered to occupy Dacheng’s position, eating, drinking, defecating and urinating in Dacheng’s original sleeping place, and Dacheng had to resign himself to the folding bed used by guests. Since the wife gave birth to her son, she has poured all her love into her son. Every night, she no longer pays attention to her husband, saying that she is too tired to breastfeed. Every night, Dacheng looks at his son sleeping peacefully in his wife’s arms, and a deep sense of loneliness arises spontaneously.

After the birth of his son, Dacheng and his wife were forced to reduce their sex life to a minimum. His wife only had sex with him once a month. In order to keep his wife by his side, Dacheng tried to prolong the time every time they had sex. As a result, he had delayed ejaculation. Dacheng came to the psychological counseling clinic, but he did not come for delayed ejaculation. With his level of sexual knowledge, he was not aware of the consequences of delayed ejaculation. He came to the doctor for a terrible thing. He said that he had dreamed of throwing his son off the building several times. The doctor asked about his past experiences. Dacheng said that he had a younger brother. Since his younger brother was born, he has been taken care of by his grandmother, and his mother rarely cares about him. This made him very angry with his younger brother. During that time, he had a dream of killing his younger brother. The doctor told Dacheng that he transferred his childhood hatred for his younger brother to his son. Just like he had for his mother, he had a compulsory attachment to his wife. After psychological treatment, Dacheng was quickly corrected, and Dacheng’s wife also changed her attitude under the doctor’s persuasion and tried to take time to accompany her husband.

When a child appears in a marriage, it is not uncommon for a man to feel jealous of his newborn son because of his wife’s neglect. At this time, the husband should accept the child psychologically as soon as possible, and the wife must not neglect the husband too much because of the child. Both parties should arrange their sex life reasonably.

Case 4: A wife who is sick and fierce

It was already 6:50 in the evening, and Zhongshan Road was still crowded with cars. Taxi driver Aqiang lit a cigarette and took two deep puffs. At this time, the phone rang: “Aqiang, what time is it? What’s wrong with you?” It was Aqiang’s wife Zheng Yun. She was furious on the phone. Tonight, their unit held a dance party at Baiyun Hotel, and it was agreed that Aqiang would take her there. “What can I do? There is a big traffic jam here.” Aqiang answered calmly, throwing the cigarette butt in his hand out of the window.

Aqiang’s wife Zheng Yun is the deputy director of a small factory. Zheng Yun has always treated her husband with a condescending attitude, intentionally or unintentionally. As time went by, Aqiang developed a silent hostility towards his wife. Of course, this hostility was always hidden in normal times. I don’t know when it started, but the sex positions of Aqiang and his wife changed. He no longer liked the traditional face-to-face sex position, but preferred the rear position. He felt that he could get highly excited when he was in the rear position. Strangely, whenever there was something unpleasant between the couple, Aqiang would be very intense in sexual activities. He would use the rear position regardless of whether his wife agreed or not. Sometimes he would have such sex twice in one night. Once, Zheng Yun was unwell and asked Aqiang to use the traditional sex position, but Aqiang could not ejaculate. He tried several more times later, but the situation was still the same. Zheng Yun was very surprised. She suspected that Aqiang was mentally abnormal and took him to the hospital for treatment. A Qiang said to the doctor: “My wife is used to scolding people, and I hate to have to look at her face during sex. I feel free and happy when I can’t see her face from behind. It seems that I have vented all the repression I usually have. It’s very relieved.”

A wife with a higher position and stronger ability than her husband can easily cause psychological imbalance in her husband. If she is domineering to her husband, the situation will be even worse. At this time, some husbands will openly show their anger and quarrel with their wives frequently, while some husbands will turn this dissatisfaction into sexual hostility and vent their dissatisfaction in sex life, just like the protagonist in the example.

(Case source: Greater China Health Network)

Chapter 3 Interesting exploration of women’s sexual psychology

Why do women have psychological conflicts between sex and love

In daily life, some women often believe that women want love, while men only want sex. Generally speaking, women in two stages of life are most likely to have this understanding. One stage is from the beginning of love to the pre-marital love period. At this time, women are most likely to admire and pursue romantic spiritual love. If they find that their boyfriends have sexual intentions or purposes, they will be very disappointed, feel that their self-esteem is hurt, and even “see through the world”. Some women feel ashamed or inferior after experiencing their own sexual impulses and sexual hunger, thinking that this will damage their innocence and taint the romantic love they pursue.

The second stage is that after a period of marriage, some women have sexual disharmony or even get tired of sex for various reasons. They will feel that sex is redundant and that they are making sacrifices unilaterally, so they are more nostalgic and seek romantic love that they have had or have never had.

The psychology of women in these two stages has a common feature, that is, they regard their own sex and love as contradictory and even incompatible. This understanding often lurks deep in the hearts of women, and it is difficult for them to detect it unless they encounter specific things. All women who regard sex and love as contradictions generally have a certain degree of sexual disharmony and strongly demand a very ethereal and dreamy love that is separated from sexual practice. Quite a number of women do not understand the reason and mistakenly believe that this need is a manifestation of noble and pure interest. As a result, it often causes emotional crises before and after marriage, and in severe cases, it can also form a hysterical personality, which is not conducive to physical and mental health.

In fact, whether from a physiological, psychological, or social perspective, the relationship between sex and love is different between men and women, but it is consistent for women themselves.

First of all, from the perspective of personal growth history, sex and love are produced together and promote each other. When puberty arrives, not only are the sexual organs and endocrine systems developing and changing, but the sexual control area and emotional control area in the cerebral cortex are also maturing together. The folk saying “You can only understand love affairs after puberty” is this reason. In the fantasy of pure love of young girls, although there is generally no specific scene of sexual life, it contains a lot of sexual symbols, sexual hints and sexual agitation; and no matter how women become sexually excited or have sexual behavior, their psychological feelings and effects are really no different from the satisfaction of love. Women with poor sexual development generally find it difficult to have passion for love, and women with insufficient love find it difficult to engage in actual sexual activities. Both are actually indispensable.

Secondly, the physical and mental goals that women seek in sexual activities and in love are consistent and mutually reinforcing. The physical and mental experience brought by female orgasm is often the highest state that can be achieved in the pure dreams of a girl, so most women will become more and more fond of and dependent on regular sex after marriage. Although most unmarried women emphasize that they will not engage in sex without love, most wives also believe that without a harmonious sex life, there is no way to talk about love. Although many women start sex only when they love to a certain extent, many women only feel or feel love under the impetus of a good sex life. Of course, for more women, sex and love promote each other. It can be said that a wife with sex and love is not necessarily happy, but a woman who lacks one of the two is definitely not happy enough.

For the vast majority of women who regard sex and love as contradictions, the root of the problem is not that they regard love too highly, but that they regard sex too lightly. In the late feudal society of China, sex was strictly prohibited, but a certain degree of “love” was allowed. Therefore, even the anti-feudal May Fourth Movement could only first demand love as its banner and weapon, and talked less about sexual issues, let alone the level of women’s sexual rights. In recent years, although women naturally call for and seek love first, their understanding of their own sexual existence and sexual rights has not kept up. This cultural tendency unconsciously separates sex from love, causing quite a number of educated women to mistakenly believe that love is absolutely beautiful and sex is absolutely ugly. The more they pursue love, the more they unconsciously devalue and suppress their own sexual existence.

In an ideal marriage or an ideal society, no matter how high the status and role of love are raised, it is not excessive, but at the same time, women’s sexual needs and sexual rights must be raised to the same level, especially every effort must be made to promote the mutual development of sex and love. If you only “excel in one aspect” in love, you will destroy the inherent unity and consistency of your body and mind, which will easily lead to self-trouble and even self-destruction, which in turn will seriously weaken or even destroy the love you have or will have. It is in this sense that women seeking and insisting on their sexual rights not only does not ignore or reduce love, but on the contrary, it has gained a comprehensive driving force on the road to pursuing beautiful love. This is one of the basic reasons why we should attach importance to advocating women’s sexual rights.

Female friends can rest assured about this conflict, which is a normal phenomenon.

Common sexual psychology of women in sex

The sexual psychology of women in sex is subtle and elusive, and even husbands who accompany them day and night find it difficult to fully understand. However, women often show some common sexual psychological phenomena intentionally or unintentionally during sex.

1. Factors that stimulate sex

The caring care of the husband can stimulate the pleasure and satisfaction of women’s sex. Women often worry that they will lose their charm and lose their husband’s love. Therefore, the husband’s care and consideration is naturally the best comfort for his wife, from which the wife can taste the warmth and warmth of love and her own “charm is still as good as before”. In this way, the wife will give everything to her husband as a reward, looking forward to the shocking moments in sex life with her husband, and the satisfaction in sex will naturally be stronger.

Sincere conversation before sex can stimulate women’s sexual desire. The husband’s tender and sweet words can make the wife feel warm, and the comfortable and pleasant conversation can enhance the subsequent sexual experience. Especially for those women who are busy with work, housework and children, talking with their husbands is actually a kind of sexual satisfaction. However, many husbands are careless and often ignore this.

2. The overall feeling of sex

Men have sex for sex, and they are satisfied when they reach orgasm. In contrast, women require a holistic feeling for sex, and sex is only an important part of it. Their greatest wish is to be loved. The love here is of course far more than sex. If her husband’s behavior and attitude towards her are not good enough, even if it is unintentional, making her feel that she is not loved well, then her reaction during sexual intercourse will be more negative. Connecting the little things in life with sex is the overall sense of sex for women.

3. Cooperation in sexual life

Women do not like sex that comes straight to the point, they long for the care and caress of their husbands. Gentle or warm hugs, caresses, kisses, etc. will make them passionate and unrestrained, sweet sex will come naturally, and the orgasm will come quickly. After the orgasm, their sexual pleasure disappears slowly, so they hope to continue to get the warmth and caress of men. At this time, the husband should understand and cooperate with his wife, and don’t fall asleep after finishing the matter, which will hurt his wife’s heart.

Women’s premarital sexual behavior psychology

Sexual science research divides human sexual behavior into three types: core sexual behavior (i.e., benign sexual relationships), marginal sexual behavior (such as kissing, hugging, caressing, etc.), and quasi-sexual behavior. Premarital sex here refers to the core sexual behavior that occurs between men and women during their relationship. It is characterized by voluntary participation by both parties, without violence or coercion; without legal guarantees, and without the obligations and responsibilities that couples should have; it is easy to cause some disputes and serious consequences, and the woman is often the direct victim. In my country, premarital sex is not advocated by social opinion and morality.

Women have many extreme ideas and thoughts about premarital sex, which can be summarized as the following 10 major misunderstandings:

1. Advocating sexual freedom

With my country’s reform and opening up, Western cultural trends and sexual concepts have rapidly influx, impacting my country’s traditional sexual morality. Some young people blindly advocate Western sexual freedom and want to break through “tradition”. Their sexual concepts have been equated with primitive instinctive needs. Some young women think that “since they are mature, satisfying their desires is a physiological need”, “as long as they love happily”, “there is no need to be afraid of pregnancy, sex is not a sin”, “a woman is not a complete woman if she does not have an abortion”… According to the survey, 32.67% of women think that “chastity is not very important”, and 19.7% of women do not care about it after sex, “it’s just like that”. When the concept changes, the behavior will naturally change. Many girls have sex when they don’t know how to fall in love. Distorted sexual concepts give rise to distorted sexual behavior, and stories of self-inflicted suffering are played out one after another.

2. Pursuing a “new” way of love

Today’s Chinese society is multi-level, fast-paced, and colorful. The lifestyle is changing, and the way of love is also changing. Some young people mistakenly believe that “conventional love is incomplete. Real love should reflect broadness. Since I love him, I can give him everything”, “Love should give freedom to the loved one, why wait until after marriage”, etc.

Under the psychological control of chasing new trends, they quickly went from first love to passionate love, and from marginal sexual behavior to core sexual behavior. A survey found that 44.67% of women had multiple sexual relationships within six months, of which 50.33% were willing and 80.33% believed that it was a personal matter. The arbitrary “new trend” behavior is a manifestation of lack of responsibility.

3. Sexual exploration psychology

Many books and publications convey sexual knowledge, but most of them focus on the introduction of sexual organs and sexual life content, and lack sexual psychology and sexual morality education knowledge. In addition, the increase in sexual aesthetic shots in movies and TV shows, as well as the phenomenon of hugging waists and shoulders on the streets, or hugging and kissing, this cultural atmosphere aroused, deepened and realized the curiosity of young girls, and they quickly developed from watching to trying it themselves, so that they took the initiative to curiously propose or did not refuse the sexual demands made by the man during the relationship. Many girls had sex out of curiosity or impulse, and finally got pregnant and had to abort, which caused great harm to their body and mind.

4. Grateful for the boyfriend, giving up virginity

Some girls cherish virginity very much and will never give it up easily, but they often cannot resist the sweet words and pleading of their boyfriends and their defenses collapse. Some girls feel uneasy and very grateful because their boyfriends take good care of them or make great sacrifices for themselves and their families, so they regard satisfying their boyfriends’ sexual demands as a reward for him.

5. Having sex in a fit of anger

Young men and women often have a more serious rebellious psychology. If their relationship is interfered with by others, their parents strongly oppose it, and their relatives and friends obstruct it in every way, they will not only not end the relationship, but will become closer. They may have sex in a fit of anger and use the fait accompli of “cooking rice” to resist environmental resistance.

6. In exchange for vanity

In today’s society, material desires are rampant, and some young women are extremely vain, and have a serious mentality of comparison and pursuit of high consumption. It has become their pursuit and ideal to be with a rich man. Men are naturally very tactful and are willing to spend money like water in exchange for the body of a beautiful woman. As a result, ugly premarital sex in which women exchange their bodies for money frequently occurs, and this is with many wealthy men. Such women will either end up with nothing or never experience true happiness in their lives.

7. Eliminate your boyfriend’s doubts

Some women meet the “Prince Charming” in their dreams, and they are afraid that he will run away, so they take the initiative to attack. But men are often like this. The more proactive the woman is, the more he is worried about the other party, and his attitude is cautious and ambiguous. In this case, some women hurriedly pledge their bodies to the man in order to show their sincerity or not be abandoned by the man, and take the so-called “locking love with sex” action. In fact, this approach is very clumsy, and often makes the man despise it, and eventually “loses both the wife and the army”.

8. Understand your boyfriend’s sexual function

Most women who have premarital sex for this reason are older unmarried people. They feel that it is not easy to choose a spouse and hope for a happy marriage. Therefore, they would rather have sex with a lover they are satisfied with before marriage to understand his or her sexual function than to have no “sexual happiness” after marriage.

9. Upgrading the love relationship

Some young women use “sex” as a measure of love, believing that having sex can maintain and deepen love; having sex before marriage is a necessary step in love, which can confirm the relationship early, upgrade love, and strengthen the cohesion of both parties. However, once a relationship occurs, the woman’s attraction to the man may drop sharply, which may make them change their mind.

10. Maintaining a marriage contract

According to a survey in Beijing, 90.7% of young men and women who have premarital sex have a clear marriage contract, but they cannot get married for a long time due to various reasons such as lack of housing, financial difficulties, not working together, and not reaching the legal age for marriage. In order to maintain this marriage contract, both parties often have sex.

Women should reflect on or correct the above ten psychological misunderstandings, reshape their sexual cognition, sexual concepts and love concepts, and avoid great physical and mental harm.

Mysterious night, women are intoxicated by tenderness

1. Women hide their skin during the day to protect themselves, and expose their skin at night to show themselves

At night, women not only like to wear thin clothes, but also like colorful, bold and trendy clothes, because they use clothes to emphasize the difference between day and night invisibly. Of course, they also know how to emphasize their charm.

2. Although women are very serious during the day, they will become very bold at night after drinking a little wine

Nothing can make a woman forget everything during the day like being drunk. A little strong liquor can make her relax. Then talk to her face to face, she will open her heart, and sooner or later she will remove the obstacles in her heart. Psychological intoxication is the trump card to win a woman’s heart.

3. Women’s physical excitement easily turns into sexual excitement under the stimulation of small props such as “sound” and “light” at night

Dance halls can be said to be the best place to stimulate women’s physical excitement. Under the harsh loud sound, men and women twist their bodies passionately to the melody of the music, which will make them excited. Once this excitement is aroused, it is easy to turn into sexual excitement and easy to commit deviant behavior. The strong rhythm of the music, the illusion caused by the light and the psychological excitement caused by the body’s jumping, plus the intoxicated state brought by the “unusual nature” of the night, will weaken people’s logical thinking ability and make their emotions more excited.

4. Women regard cars as transportation during the day and as intoxicated beds at night

A film critic said: “For young women, cars are the beds used to abandon virginity.” Because the car can be said to be a space that belongs only to the two of them, and its privacy is not bad, not to mention that the car can be moved at will, so it is inevitable that it will stimulate the sexual impulse of young people. Being in a car can give a woman a considerable sense of security, which will make her open her mind invisibly, and she will inevitably be intoxicated in the romantic atmosphere as if she is nestling in the arms of the other person, and she can’t help herself.

When the extraordinary nature of the car and the extraordinary nature of the night are combined, the car becomes a mobile “double bed”. Because, if you drive at night, one’s sense of purpose becomes weaker, and two you can’t see the surrounding scenery. In the dark small space (car), the loneliness will make the two people closer, and soon they will establish a sweet world “belonging only to the two of them”.

5. Makeup at night is to create another self

Makeup at night can make women step into the fantasy and emotional world of the night, because makeup is a mysterious weapon to create fantasy, so heavy makeup is very suitable for the night. At night, women who prefer heavy makeup are eager to create another self. She has fantasies about the night just like men wearing masks can have crazy fun. Compared with men and women, women are just more openly addicted to it.

6. Women still have expectations for the future when they part during the day, but they feel that they will be separated forever when they part at night.

According to Freud’s psychological analysis, if “train” is regarded as a symbol of death, leaving by train at night will give people the impression that they are going to another world. Therefore, women who break up with men at night always feel that it is a permanent separation. The atmosphere of seeing off at night is not romantic at all.

7. Women are highly suggestible, and they will play the role of passionate lovers with a little drama at night.

Most women like fortune-telling. Women are more suggestible than men, that is, they are more passive. This is because women believe that everything is arranged by fate. If women are addicted to the fantasy world at night, their suggestibility and passivity will be further enhanced.

For example, when they are at the extremely fantasy romantic seaside, they will be obsessed with the dramatic state and play the role of passionate lovers, and regard it as quite natural. But if this kind of drama happens during the day, women will play the role of virtuous, which is also a very natural reaction for women. Don’t think that once you have sex, she will definitely become your lover, so don’t be surprised if she refuses.

8. Women tend to be more sexually excited when they see purple interior decorations at night

Women’s psychology seems to be stimulated by colors and undergoes quite strong changes, especially bright colors. Men get excited when they see red, but women, because of their physiological experience, don’t get too excited when they see red. Since the color of human mucous membranes is very similar to purple, women may associate purple with “mucous membranes” or “sexual organs.”

9. Women sometimes want to escape from real life and look forward to adventure, so they wander alone on the streets at night

Women sometimes wear sexy clothes that attract men’s attention and walk alone on the dark streets. Such women will certainly attract men’s curious eyes, but if they are not expecting a dreamlike adventure in their hearts, they want to get rid of the monotonous atmosphere of daily life. Their behavior is just to escape the self-suppressed life in the daytime world.

10. Women will feel repelled during the day, but will naturally blend in at night

For example, in an amusement park at night, the fun under the lighting gives people a mysterious feeling, which can’t help but stir up waves of fantasy. Women don’t have a strong sense of self-consciousness about brightness, so most of them can naturally blend into the atmosphere created at night.

11. Women will suppress their “self” under fluorescent lights that are close to natural light, and show their “true self” under ordinary light full of warmth

Couples choose to talk about love in places with candles or dim light. The man’s sweet words are easy to move the woman’s heart and break the woman’s city, because the dim light can make the woman’s heart full of warmth and steadiness, but under the sunlight, her tension will increase, that is, suppress the self. Therefore, it is not suitable for men and women to talk about love under lights that emit natural light.

12. After drinking champagne, women will be easily intoxicated physically and mentally because of the multiple effects of aristocracy and literature at night.

Champagne and wine are both fine wines that make women intoxicated in the atmosphere of the night. Especially at night, wine gives people a more noble atmosphere, so women are more likely to be intoxicated by the atmosphere of a very romantic atmosphere than the intoxication caused by alcohol.

13. Because women are “productive”, they will naturally relax their vigilance if they stay in the same place for a long time at night.

Women seem to like a certain place in particular. If men often change places for dates, her emotions will not be easy to stabilize, but once they adapt, she will become obsessed with that place. Therefore, the way to relax women is very simple, just don’t change the date place frequently. Because women often have fear in their hearts about unfamiliar places, sometimes some things are not easy to succeed!

14. Women will not assert themselves during the day, but at night they will try their best to emphasize their charm for the sake of collectivism.

The reason why women go together may be related to the fact that groups are more advantageous than individuals, or that women are less confident when they are alone. Women also seem to know that traveling together can combine the advantages of each person, giving men the wonderful illusion of “they are so beautiful!” Moreover, if several people are together, they will be less nervous when they are approached by strange men. Although there will be some danger, they can disperse this danger and act together, which makes it easier to attract men’s attention. This phenomenon is more likely to be found at night.

15. Women wear simple clothes during the day to hide their dissatisfaction with work, and dress up fancy at night to vent their inner depression

In the competitive society during the day, she has to force herself to adapt to everything. When it comes to night, she liberates herself through various changes. Therefore, the more women who want to pursue changes, the more they know how to increase the interest of life; on the contrary, those women who do not change at night will become more and more impatient and increasingly emotionally unstable.

Why do women always feel that they are not “sexually happy” enough?

A normal woman has sex about 3,000 times in her life and gives birth to a child. Apart from childbirth, the direct purpose of sex is to obtain happiness. But the fact is the opposite: only 22.3% of women feel “sexually happy” enough. Women always struggle between concepts and instincts: Will they be considered lewd if they directly ask their bodies for happiness and develop themselves or men? Their desires blossom, and they even plan how to be ecstatic in the evening when they go out in the morning.

Only after getting rid of the pressure of survival can they have full personal dignity and freedom, and women can firmly say: I want it, I want it! Sex is still unequal. In sexual events, if the age is the same, men’s comfort and satisfaction rate are 30% higher than women. Because they indulge in sensory experience more, while women have to struggle between concepts and instincts: Will I be considered lewd? No one tells them the truth: You have the right to control your own body, you have the right to decide who to have sex with, whether to do it or not, and you have the right to get happiness in sex. Progress always starts with a few people, when women openly ask their bodies for happiness, develop themselves or men, and reach orgasm through sex. If in addition to autonomy, there is also safety and love, it is an adult event worth celebrating.

Hong Kong columnist and sexologist Su Hei said that her most wonderful sexual experience was playing a musical instrument, a traditional Japanese instrument called Shakuhachi, and experiencing sexual pleasure while playing it. She described the highest level of sex, feeling that her lover was disappearing, she was disappearing, the world was disappearing, and she had to stop, and then she would cry, not because of pain, but tears of joy. Su Hei said that it was an experience higher than orgasm, and she was undoubtedly a woman who enjoyed sex.

It seems that in the era of openness, one-night stands and online sex are hot, so do women really have a calm and enjoyable attitude towards sex?

Can you enter and exit adult stores calmly to try various substitutes? Can you share sexual fantasies and talk about sexual feelings with your partner? “My vagina is a green, soft, and light red field, cows are mooing, the sunset is resting, and my lovely boyfriend touches it with golden straw…” Do you feel comfortable when you see this line in “The Vagina Monologues”?

A survey shows that up to 62.8% of Chinese women do not know where their clitoris is; only 17.5% of women fully understand orgasm. Too many women do not know that they can demand and get greater pleasure in their sex life. This is very sad and ridiculous.

How wonderful and natural it is to enjoy your body, enjoy men, and enjoy sex.

Researchers once conducted a test, randomly selecting some pornographic videos and showing them to 20 women, while observing their respective reactions through monitors. It was found that these women were “emotionally” excited after an average of only two minutes. Surveys and studies in the past 20 years have also shown that women’s reactions after watching pornographic videos are much greater than those after watching romantic love movies. Since sex is so pleasurable, why should we endure it?

It is painful to separate sex from love, but artificial binding and confinement ruins two good things. If you can’t find someone to love in your life, will you never have sex for the rest of your life, let your youth fade, and your beauty wither? If you don’t even know what sex is, isn’t this a loss in your life?

Why are women so ignorant about orgasm? It is because they do not regard sex as their own business, do not devote themselves, do not enjoy it, do not understand the fun of it, and have no motivation, so that they have not made any progress for a long time. If sexually mature women in a city can all moan with joy, it is definitely not a bad thing, whether for themselves or for men.

Masturbation – a topic that women find difficult to talk about

Male masturbation is very common, just like a joke says: nine out of ten men masturbate, and the other one is impotent. So much so that when it comes to masturbation, people think of men, in fact, female masturbators are not uncommon. According to a foreign sex survey, women who clearly answered that they masturbate accounted for 81.6% of the total number of respondents. Among them, 96.3% of masturbators can reach orgasm during masturbation, and 92.4% can tell the specific details. In our country, many people confuse masturbation with obscenity, causing people to be very secretive about masturbation, especially women.

Why do women masturbate? There are mainly the following psychological reasons:

1. Masturbation is regarded as an important way to understand and experience sexual desire

According to many women who masturbate, masturbation can help them understand how to reach orgasm and understand the stage of sexual excitement; masturbation allows them to explore their sexual desire without relying on others; when sexual intercourse cannot make them reach orgasm, they need to rely on masturbation to release the pent-up sexual energy.

2. Masturbation is regarded as a symbol of women’s independence

Many women who masturbate believe that the significance of masturbation is that they can completely rely on themselves to achieve orgasm: masturbation allows them to no longer rely on men, so that they can decide when they need sex and when they don’t.

3. Masturbation is a safe, convenient and easy sexual behavior

Some women believe that masturbation is the safest, most convenient and easy way to satisfy sexual desire, so there is no need to find someone to have sex for the same reason and cause other troubles. However, they also admit that masturbation can never replace men’s care and love.

4. Masturbation is another form of sexual behavior

Women regard masturbation as another form of sexual behavior, and think it is a wonderful form of catharsis, which can make people feel that they can give themselves pleasure, can determine the duration of pleasure at will, and can give people an incredible sensual pleasure. They also said: “Masturbation can free women from the myth that ‘the only way to get sexual pleasure is to insert the penis into the vagina’.”

5. Masturbation can teach your lover

Many masturbating women admit that their lovers are not good enough in sex. Wonderful masturbation can teach them how to touch their wives and how to give their wives pleasure. The husband’s sexual skills are improved, and the sex between the couple will naturally be sweeter and the relationship between the couple will naturally be more harmonious.

Women’s sexual moaning language

During sex, women will make different degrees of noises. Some men are delighted by such noises and use the volume of the noise as a criterion for judging the degree of sexual excitement of women. There are very few men who openly express their disgust for such noises. However, many people secretly mutter in their hearts that they have only heard of prostitutes or sluts shouting loudly, so how can women with good conduct shout out? This is completely a prejudice or the result of lack of common sense.

Physiologically, there are two reasons why women make noises during sex: First, when approaching or reaching orgasm, the oxygen content in the blood will decrease. At this time, women will fall into a state of mild hypoxia and show a series of so-called “orgasm symptoms” such as loss of eyesight, blurred vision, and mild body spasms. When the oxygen content in the blood decreases, carbon dioxide will increase relatively, so breathing will inevitably speed up. Once the accelerated breathing is disordered, it will naturally emit the muffled noises unique to orgasm.

The second reason is that when approaching orgasm, the “excitatory substances” in women’s brains will increase accordingly. People’s knowledge of this “excitant” is still very limited, but it is known that it can make people’s consciousness blurred and has the effect of removing brain inhibition. This effect will dilute women’s rationality and make sounds that they can’t even imagine. Some women have no idea whether they have made any sounds afterwards. It can be seen that the sounds during sex are completely a spontaneous physiological phenomenon.

However, things cannot be generalized. Although people are restricted by physiological factors, they are ultimately controlled by reason. Many women do not make any sounds during sex, which is the result of consciously strengthening control. We absolutely cannot say that women who make sounds are naturally unrestrained, but we cannot ignore that women who do not make any sounds are mostly due to severe sexual repression or more orthodox sexual concepts.

There are also some women whose sounds during sex have little to do with physiological reasons, but are related to their temperament. Such women often make extremely muffled sounds, with a lot of false components, accompanied by exaggerated sexual expressions. Most of these women have hysterical personalities. They often have a strong desire to show their existence. They shout loudly in order to get the other’s attention and get more caresses. This kind of women also have a sudden desire to vent, and shouting loudly can be used as a means of venting.

Some people do not shout when they feel pleasure, while others shout loudly when they do not feel much pleasure. The existence of these two types of women does not prove that shouting is related to people’s moral character, but it makes the idea that the louder the shouting, the higher the degree of pleasure is self-defeating.

Why do women fake orgasms?

In a man’s life, there are few things that can make him feel more refreshed than satisfying a woman, especially sexually. If a woman wants to make a man feel high-spirited and confident, one of the most effective ways is to affirm that he is a lover who satisfies you. This is more effective than praising him for being smart, amiable or handsome.

A man feels like a man when he performs very well in his bed (or other places you think are better for making love). Women are really clear about this and understand how much impact it has on their boyfriends or husbands’ sense of security. No matter how strong men may appear, once a woman mocks their impotence or the size of their genitals, they are like eggplants hit by frost, and all their egos disappear without a trace. Men need to show that they are absolutely competent sexual partners in front of women, even if the other party does not care much about whether they have sex. For men, this is more important than anything else.

Given the importance of this matter, women have to be careful to protect their partners’ vulnerable egos while striving for their own sexual satisfaction. This is the primary reason why women fake orgasms – to please their men. Men who think that the women they have sex with never fake it are just deceiving themselves. Even Don Juan, a master of love, has his days when he can’t do it. Women fake orgasms as easily as men lie. Of course, the original intention of doing so is not necessarily malicious or hurtful. Pretending is just a necessary means to maintain a fragile sexual relationship. Men like to see the women who have sex with them enjoy pleasure. At the same time, her excitement will bring excitement to men and prompt them to orgasm. Once a woman regards a man as “her man”, she will do everything she can to make him happy. Faking an orgasm is undoubtedly a very effective method.

Another reason why women fake orgasms is simply to get the matter over with. Many times, women may not be in the mood for sex at all. Faking an orgasm is likely to make men reach orgasm faster. In this way, women can finish their leg acrobatics as soon as possible.

The third reason why women fake orgasms is because of the challenge of sex. Being able to make a man orgasm will also bring some satisfaction to women. Imagine how powerful it is for a man to think that your woman can only enjoy the pleasure of orgasm because of you. It is also very interesting for women to see men get so excited because of their actions. In other words, by faking an orgasm, women can finally enjoy pleasure.

If you want to find out why a woman fakes an orgasm during sex, the method is actually very simple. The key is to find out when she is faking and when she is real. The following three characteristics are very telling:

When she is too much – if the pace of her shouting or moaning is faster than the actual pace of sexual intercourse, you can infer that she is faking, or “performing”. That is, she has already started to react strongly before you have done anything.

When she asks to be on the bottom – some women do like to be on the bottom, that is, the missionary position. However, in order for women to fully reach orgasm, they must adopt the position of being on top of men. Therefore, if she is very comfortable on top of you and suddenly asks to switch positions with you, you should be careful. If she then pulls the sheets exaggeratedly or scratches your back, then you can almost be sure that this is not true.

See what she does afterwards – although she screams and shouts at the time, as if she has done her best, once she is done, she suddenly decides to wash the dishes. If so, it means that you have been fooled by her. A woman’s behavior after sex can best indicate her degree of pleasure. A woman who has just reached orgasm will be immersed in this feeling for several minutes. If she does not ask you to hug or kiss her again, and her voice returns to normal after a gentle and sexy moment, then you should realize that you have played a trick with her again.

These sexual psychology of women make husbands distressed

In many cases, the disharmony of the couple’s sexual life is caused by the husband’s inability to clearly grasp the wife’s sexual psychology. Wives often have some sexual psychology that bothers their husbands and is difficult to understand. If the husband can see through it in time and deal with it reasonably, it will surely make the spring of sex last forever.

1. Sexual jealousy

Mengmeng and her husband are childhood sweethearts. After the couple went into business, although money kept coming into their pockets, the introverted Mengmeng always felt jealous, especially when her husband went out with her friend Fangfang to buy goods. One day, the husband handed Mengmeng a stack of money he earned. After she took it, she said angrily: “Money is a thing. The more you earn, the more you lose.” The husband didn’t mind after hearing it. At night, when the husband approached Mengmeng, she threw out another sentence: “Home flowers are not as fragrant as wild flowers. Do you still need me now?” Only then did the husband understand the meaning of his wife’s words during the day…

“How deep is love, how heavy is hatred.” Sexual jealousy is determined by the exclusivity of human sexual love. Women’s sexual jealousy is often stronger than men’s. Some women cannot stand the frequent contact between their husbands and other women, and they become jealous. They often express this by making threats, making indirect accusations, or refusing sex. Over time, they may become sexually cold due to sexual repression, which affects the relationship between husband and wife.

To eliminate sexual jealousy, both parties should be more open-minded. In today’s society, frequent contact between men and women is inevitable. Moreover, a husband-wife relationship does not mean that there should be no private space. A wife should not be suspicious without reason, as suspicion is a poison that corrodes love and marriage. A husband should also pay attention to the degree of contact with the opposite sex, check his behavior from time to time, and do not hide his contact with the opposite sex from his wife, otherwise his wife will feel that “there is something fishy”.

2. Sexual expectation

Yunxia is a middle school teacher, and her husband Zhengdong is a manager of a company. They were both educated youth, so they were inseparable after marriage. Zhengdong, who is in an official position, travels frequently. Whenever her husband returns, Yunxia always goes to the station on time to greet him. But this time, Yunxia did not see her husband for three consecutive times. That day, she was about to go to bed after washing up when her husband suddenly came back. Zheng Dong smiled and wanted to be intimate with his wife, but Yunxia pushed him away: “I thought you died outside.” Zheng Dong was puzzled after hearing this. In fact, this was Yunxia’s venting of her sexual expectations.

Sexual psychological factors largely determine the changes in women’s sexual arousal and sexual response cycle. The survey found that wives who sleep in the same bed with their husbands every day have weaker sexual demands than those who live apart or sleep in separate beds intermittently; when the husband is often away on business and returns at irregular times, the wife’s sexual response cycle changes greatly, in addition to being affected by the changes in the sex hormone cycle in the body, it is mainly affected by sexual expectations. Many women’s sexual hyperactivity is caused by sexual expectations. When their husbands cannot meet their sexual needs, they often suffer from insomnia, restlessness, irritability, temper or depression, which may lead to sexual indifference over time.

In order to have a harmonious and happy sex life, couples should pay attention to the following points:

(1) “Distance creates beauty”. Both parties may sleep in separate beds or stay apart for a few days occasionally to cultivate and mobilize the wife’s sexual expectations;

(2) The husband should pay attention to the changes in his wife’s sexual cycle and try to meet his wife’s sexual needs when he finds that she has sexual needs;

(3) Husbands who travel frequently should try to return home regularly and it is best not to go out during the wife’s sexual cycle;

(4) When the wife loses her temper due to sexual expectations, the husband should be tolerant and never confront her.

3. Sexual boredom

Xiaojuan is a nurse and her husband Wang Yang is a sales manager of a company. The couple rarely reunites on Sundays. One Sunday, the couple happened to have a day off. They decided to take their children to the park. Just as they were about to leave, the husband’s boss came to visit to discuss business. Xiaojuan had no choice but to accompany him, serving tea and water, cooking… After going to bed at night, when her husband asked for sex, Xiaojuan pushed him aside and said unhappily: “I don’t have the time!”

The reasons why women feel sexually bored are usually the following:

(1) The husband ignores the role of sex in marriage. In modern society, husbands often have a heavy burden. They are often unable to pay more attention to their families and wives due to busy work and frequent social activities, and neglect sex, causing estrangement between husband and wife. This has become one of the most common reasons for sexual boredom among couples. That is why sex experts call for “leaving some time and energy for sex.” As a husband, while doing a good job, you should pay attention to giving more energy to your wife and family.

(2) Excessive psychological repression. When encountering setbacks at work or in life, women will inevitably feel psychologically over-repressed and unbalanced, and their sexual desire will inevitably decrease over time. In this regard, husbands should actively and positively provide psychological counseling to their wives, try to give their wives satisfactory sex, and make their wives forget their troubles and get out of their psychological difficulties.

(3) The husband’s unattractive image is one of the most common reasons for sexual boredom.

(4) Sexual monotony or monotony.

4. Sexual fear

Wenting and her husband Xiaohui loved each other and lived a prosperous life. One day, Wenting came home and said to her husband angrily: “You did shameful things outside and made me suffer with you. How shameful!” Xiaohui looked at his wife’s frowning face and was really confused. It turned out that Wenting found out that she had gonorrhea vaginitis during a women’s health check. Wenting knew the saying “no sex, no gonorrhea”, so she concluded that it was her husband’s affair that caused the trouble. The next day, the couple went to the hospital for a check-up. The result showed that Wenting had gonorrhea vaginitis, but Xiaohui was fine. So how did this disease come about? The couple suddenly remembered something: a month ago, Wenting’s good friend Lanlan came to the provincial capital to see a “women’s disease doctor”. When friends who had not seen each other for many years met again, of course they would eat and sleep together… Could it be that Lanlan had infected them? To confirm their guess, they rushed to the hospital to check Lanlan’s medical records. It turned out that Lanlan had gonorrhea. A misunderstanding was finally solved.

(Case source: Sanjiu Health Network)

Female sexual fear is more serious than male, and there are two common manifestations:

(1) Fear that their sexual frigidity will affect the relationship between husband and wife;

(2) Fear of contracting sexually transmitted diseases.

Nowadays, sexually transmitted diseases are spreading, and female sexual fear is also becoming more and more serious. Husbands should care for, love and be considerate of their wives, try to reduce their wives’ physical and mental fatigue, and avoid their wives’ sexual frigidity. They should also respect themselves and love themselves, not have promiscuous sex outside, and should also pay attention to the indirect transmission of sexually transmitted diseases. This requires couples to learn some sexual knowledge together and enhance their awareness of prevention.

How many reasons make women sexually frigid

Men and women have completely different attitudes towards their own sexual frigidity. Men can say that they never go out to have affairs, but they will never say that they are sexually indifferent, otherwise they may be labeled as “not a man”; women are different, they like to confess their sexual indifference in front of their peers. Because of the influence of traditional Chinese concepts, people will not only not laugh at their “sexual impotence”, but also praise them for being virtuous and faithful to women. If a woman publicly says that she has a strong sexual desire, someone will definitely regard her as lewd.

Experts point out that one out of three women will be sexually indifferent. Is female sexual indifference innate? Of course not. Is it normal? Not normal. The ancients said: “Food and sex are also sex.” Sexual desire is like appetite, it is innate, but sexual desire can only be fully expressed and released after sexual maturity. Sexual indifference is pathological, just like anorexia.

In fact, from the perspective of physiological sexual ability, women’s sexual desire should be much stronger than men. They have four advantages:

(1) Women have more erogenous zones on their body surface, including the vaginal opening, clitoris and nipples, while men only have the penis;

(2) Women do not have a sexual refractory period, and are less likely to experience a depressed physical and mental reaction after reaching orgasm;

(3) Women can reach multiple orgasms in succession;

(4) Women do not need to accumulate semen like men before engaging in the next sexual intercourse. But in fact, some women not only find it difficult to reach orgasm, but they also have no sexual desire, which can only be said to be a psychological problem.

Clinically, the more common causes of female sexual frigidity are:

(5) A history of failed love or marriage, thinking that they have been deceived, and even forming a mentality of revenge against men.

(6) Worry about pregnancy or contracting sexually transmitted diseases, fear of miscarriage or pain of the patient.

(7) A history of sexual trauma, such as rape, sexual harassment, etc.

(8) Abnormal body shape and psychological inferiority.

(9) Pain or discomfort during sexual intercourse, fear of sexual life.

(10) The spouse does not meet their high expectations, feels very disappointed, is unwilling to face reality, adapt to reality, and is unwilling to have sex.

(11) The husband lacks sexual attraction or has sexual dysfunction.

(12) The wife regards sex as an obligation, lacks sexual skills, has a monotonous way of sex, has difficulty reaching orgasm, and has no fun in sex.

(13) The relationship between the husband and wife is tense or bad, and the wife will refuse sex as a means of revenge.

(14) Influenced by traditional concepts, they believe that “women cannot take the initiative to ask for sex, otherwise they are promiscuous”, “in a couple’s life, the man should take the initiative to have sex, and the woman should passively cooperate”, “sexual intercourse is a shameless behavior”, etc., and suppress sexual desire for a long time, which develops into sexual indifference.

(15) After giving birth, the body shape changes, thinking that the wife has lost the attraction to the opposite sex, or the wife shifts too much attention from the husband to the child.

(16) The housework is tedious and the passion for sex is lost.

(17) Illness, side effects of drug treatment or worry about sex may aggravate the disease.

(18) Work stress, fatigue, alcoholism or excessive mental pressure caused by something lead to sexual indifference.

(19) They believe that their private parts are unclean and are afraid of defiling their lovers.

Sexual indifference is not only a problem of women not being able to enjoy “sexual happiness”, but also puts women at risk of marriage breakdown or their husbands having affairs, so it needs treatment. Relearning correct sexual knowledge and learning to appreciate one’s own and one’s partner’s bodies can help increase sexual pleasure; taking medication is also one of the treatment methods, which can regulate body functions and lay a material foundation for overcoming sexual indifference; if necessary, you can consult a doctor about Masters’ sexual concentration training method. It is very important to treat both husband and wife together, which is a powerful measure to ensure the efficacy of the treatment. The most important thing is to establish determination, patience and confidence.

When a woman is pregnant, she is like two different people before and after sex

Pregnancy is a special stage in a woman’s life. This stage makes a woman almost completely different.

Pregnancy is a sign of healthy physiological function. It is not only the highest symbol of love, but also the highest creative behavior. It shows the special contribution of women and is the most pleasing behavior of all behaviors. Therefore, after a woman becomes pregnant, she will have a sense of pride psychologically. During pregnancy, women put almost all their emotions and energy into the little life in their belly, and truly experience the mysterious process of life with their whole body and mind.

1. Transference

Pregnant women will experience transference, that is, during pregnancy and a period of time after childbirth, women transfer most of their emotions from their husbands to the fetus. Although she still relies on her husband or even more than before, she only wants emotional care from her husband. The transference phenomenon continues and tends to intensify after childbirth, making the husband feel alienated and ignored, which may affect the relationship between husband and wife.

2. Sexual indifference

Pregnant women have different degrees of sexual indifference. Pregnant women feel increased sexual excitement from the beginning of pregnancy, but do not show a positive attitude towards sex. This is mainly because:

(1) Pregnant women are afraid that sex will harm the fetus, so they try to restrain their sexual excitement. Pregnant women’s fear of sex may be related to experiencing or hearing about miscarriage caused by sex. It is impossible for a pregnant woman not to worry about miscarriage unless she is hoping for a miscarriage. When the fear of miscarriage overwhelms her sexual desire, she will try to avoid sex. If the husband does not understand his wife’s “difficulties”, she may gradually suppress her sexual desire and refuse sex, making the couple’s sex life more uncoordinated.

(2) Pregnant women do not want their husbands to see their bodies. Although pregnant women are often proud of their body changes, they are also worried that their husbands will not like the bulging belly. Some husbands inadvertently tease their wives’ bodies, which will hurt their wives’ self-esteem and make them lose confidence in sex. Over time, they will suppress their sexual desire and show a cold attitude towards sex. In fact, husbands are often excited and feel beautiful when they see their wives’ bodies during pregnancy, and they have a sense of accomplishment. At least they will not be disgusted, nor will it affect their sexual interest in their wives. Women’s worries are actually caused by their own misunderstandings. Most pregnant women do not have this psychological burden. They are more sexually excited and have a stronger desire to satisfy their sexual desires.

Chapter 4 Psychology of Couples’ Sexual Life

Men “flirt” with women and send out sexual signals

In couples’ sexual life, occasional or frequent disharmony is very common, which requires sexual adjustment.

Adjustment of sexual life is mainly reflected in the psychological preparation for sexual life. In general, couples should understand under what circumstances they can easily arouse each other’s sexual desire and how to make each other and themselves ready at the same time.

So first of all, under what circumstances can it be easy to arouse each other’s sexual desire? Here are a few common rules:

(1) When you are in good health. A healthy body and mood can easily make people feel excited.

(2) When you are in a good mood. When there is a happy event in life or work, or when the other party does something particularly pleasing, you will feel good and it is easy to have sexual desire.

(3) When you are stimulated by the outside world. For example, when you watch some lingering scenes in movies or TV together, both parties are likely to have sexual impulses.

(4) When the weather is pleasant. Hot summer or cold winter will inevitably affect people’s sexual desire.

(5) When the environment is comfortable. If there are noisy voices and cars outside the window, you will be annoyed. How can you have the mood to have sex?

Secondly, how can you synchronize your spouse’s preparation behavior with your own? There is a question of how to send sexual signals. Sexual signals are generally sent through language and non-verbal actions.

(1) Verbal actions, including direct and indirect. Direct language actions are relatively clear, while indirect language actions include language and hints. For example, urging the other party to go to bed early as a hint, or having some sex-related conversations with the spouse to stimulate the other party’s sexual desire.

(2) Non-verbal actions, mostly manifested as intimate actions such as kissing, hugging, and caressing. “Sign language” is actually the best way for couples to express sexual desire, and it is also a commonly used method. “Sign language” can cleverly express sexual desire without hurting self-esteem due to rejection. Men can often use “sign language” first, for example, bringing a bouquet of flowers or a delicate little gift to their wives after get off work, or helping their wives wash dishes, etc., so that their wives understand their intentions.

3 psychological unspoken rules in the sexual life of couples

Psychological factors are closely related to the harmony of sexual life. It is of great significance for both parties to abide by the psychological hygiene principles of sexual life of couples to maintain a harmonious sexual life of couples.

1. Principle 1: Tolerance

It is common for one party or both parties to be dissatisfied in the sexual life of couples. There is no need to make a fuss. Do not quarrel, complain or even doubt or insult each other. This will only increase the psychological burden of both parties and make the situation worse. Both parties should be tolerant of each other, actively cooperate and actively correct each other, and their sexual life will soon improve.

2. Principle 2: Frankness

Whether it is the husband or the wife, no matter what age, having sexual demands and sexual behavior is like a person’s appetite. It is very normal and an indispensable part of marriage life. Both parties should be frank about this, without avoiding it, let alone feeling ashamed.

3. Principle 3: Equality

There is no “male superiority and female inferiority” in sexual life. Whether it is the man or the woman, the status is equal, and both have the right to express and demand sexual satisfaction, and can take the initiative. However, we must also recognize the actual differences in the physiological and psychological responses of men and women, and understand and cooperate with each other.

Misunderstandings about wishful sex between the sexes

1. Misunderstanding 1: Sexual accommodation

Ms. Li was spoiled by her family since she was a child, and her temper was somewhat spoiled. After work, her colleagues all knew her personality and tried not to provoke her, which further contributed to her temper. She fell in love with Mr. Zhang, an engineer in the factory, and the first reason was that Mr. Zhang had a good temper and could accommodate her. After marriage, Mr. Zhang also tried to accommodate her in sex life and try to satisfy her. She hoped that he would extend the time of flirting and caressing before each sex as much as possible, and asked him not to ejaculate so quickly, and he tried his best to do so; after a long period of flirting and caressing, he could not wait to enter the stage of sexual intercourse, but she still insisted that he wait, and he tried his best to bear it. After a long time, he felt very monotonous, tired and bored, and gradually lost interest in sex. Although he still tried his best to satisfy Miss Li, it was obvious that he was reluctant. Since the husband was not very interested in sex, his wife also had less interest in sex. In the end, they only had sex once every few weeks. Ms. Li began to suspect that her husband had an affair outside, but after some investigation, she did not find any clues. Later, she followed the advice of her girlfriends and began to consult a psychologist.

It is unrealistic and unfair to expect her husband to accommodate her every time she has sex. It is a misunderstanding to think that her husband should accommodate her. A husband is not a machine. His psychological and physiological state is changing all the time. Even if he accommodates his wife, he sometimes wants to have sex in the way he likes. His wife should understand. Only when the couple accommodates each other in sex can they maintain a harmonious sex life.

2. Misunderstanding 2: Considering her feelings

Mr. Wang and Ms. Zhang were classmates. They established a romantic relationship during college. At that time, Mr. Wang was smart, studious, and enthusiastic. He was the “Prince Charming” in her heart. They eventually became a couple. But soon after the marriage, Ms. Zhang’s impression of Mr. Wang changed completely. The “Prince Charming” became a “selfish and ruthless person.” Why is this so? It turns out that during sex, she takes good care of her husband’s emotions and pays great attention to understanding his intentions and mentality. When her husband hugs her tightly after getting into bed, his penis will become erect within ten minutes. She is very aware that her husband’s sexual desire has been aroused and he has the desire for sexual intercourse. She actively cooperates with her husband and tries to satisfy him. She thinks that her husband should also be as clear about his sexual desire and sexual desire as she is and actively cooperate. But her husband often starts sexual intercourse before she has the desire for sexual intercourse. She thinks that her husband does not consider his wife’s feelings at all and is selfish and heartless. Mr. Wang feels very wronged because he feels that at every stage of his sexual life, he only takes the next step when he is sure that his wife has no objection. For example, during sex, he flirts with his wife first and then has sexual intercourse after his wife’s vagina is wet, and his wife does not object. He feels that he has taken good care of his wife’s feelings, so why is he still called “selfish and heartless”?

In the above example, it is better to say that the husband is ignorant than to say that he is heartless. Thinking that you understand your wife’s sexual response, you are actually always starting from your own feelings. You know nothing about your wife’s sexual response and sexual feelings, so you make wrong assumptions. For example, regarding the issue of vaginal wetness, a normal woman will have vaginal wetness within 10 to 30 seconds after sexual stimulation. This can only be a sign of early sexual arousal, and does not mean that you are ready for sexual intercourse. Another example is the issue of “the wife does not object”. Many women are unwilling to express their sexual feelings in words, nor are they willing to express their sexual demands to their husbands, or their sexual demands are originally vague, so they do not object, but it does not mean that they agree to sexual intercourse. Husbands must understand these characteristics of women and truly understand their wives’ sexual feelings in order to achieve sexual harmony.

3. Misunderstanding three: Sexual submission to please the husband

Mr. Liu founded a company. In recent years, the business has developed greatly, he has made a lot of money, and his home is very grand. Everyone envies Mrs. Liu and says that she is blessed and has vision. But is Mrs. Liu really happy?

After getting married, Mrs. Liu felt that her husband was better than her in every way, so she served him carefully, fearing that he would be dissatisfied with her. In the past few years, her husband has become rich and famous, and she often hears stories about rich men keeping mistresses, which makes Mrs. Liu even more fearful and uneasy. She has a lot of worries when having sex with her husband. She feels that the time her husband spends on flirting before having sex is too short, and she really wants to tell her husband about this or ask for a longer time, but she is worried that her husband will be dissatisfied or even refuse. She hasn’t reached orgasm for a long time, but she dare not tell her husband. What’s worse, she sometimes pretends to reach orgasm to please her husband.

The wife in the example is full of fear of being abandoned by her husband, suppresses her sexual demands, and passively lets her husband take control of sex alone, that is, she is always in a state of sexual submission. Can this really please her husband? On the contrary, her doing so may give her husband a feeling of sexual indifference and a boring sex life, and make her feel that she has no mood, which makes it easier for him to go out and find other women.

4. Myth 4: Sex life is the husband’s responsibility

Ms. Yang’s father is very capable. He makes decisions on big and small matters. He is good at everything. Ms. Yang works, but she still asks her father to wash her clothes when she gets home. In her mind, her father is the best man in the world. When she is looking for a partner, she naturally wants to find someone as capable as her father. After marrying her husband, she feels that he is good in other aspects, but he can never satisfy her in terms of sex life. Because she feels that after two years of marriage, her husband does not know how to care about her at all, so that she has never reached orgasm in two years, but her husband is completely unaware.

Ms. Yang’s husband also has a lot of difficulties. He said that his wife usually has no opinions at all. He has to make suggestions for all the big and small problems at home, including sex life. He also hopes that his husband will take care of everything, but this is not something that can be done unilaterally.

Ms. Yang in the example has an “Oedipus complex” and hopes that her husband will be as capable as her father. Everything is left to her husband, even sex life has become his responsibility. She doesn’t care about her sexual response, doesn’t understand her sexual needs, and just passively waits for her husband to solve the problem. This idea and practice is wrong. You know, the harmony and happiness of sex life must rely on the joint efforts of two people. Women must also give full play to their sexual potential, recognize and put forward their own sexual needs, and master a certain degree of autonomy in sex life. Ms. Yang is also responsible for not actively striving for sexual pleasure.

Hearts are connected, and harmonious sex is mutually pleasing

During sex, couples show many complex psychological activities, which makes sexual behavior clearly selective and directional, and can foresee the possible consequences of sexual behavior. Couples further increase their feelings for each other through sex, so that love is consolidated and developed.

Studies have shown that the degree of satisfaction of couples with marriage is closely related to the level of sexual satisfaction. If the sex life is not satisfactory, it is difficult for couples to feel the happiness of marriage; conversely, if the marriage relationship is not good, it is difficult to obtain a satisfactory sex life.

So, how can couples achieve sexual satisfaction? What psychological conditions affect sexual satisfaction?

1. Maintain sexual attraction

There are many things that couples need to do to maintain sexual attraction to each other, such as not having too frequent sexual contact, sleeping in separate beds appropriately, and improving sexual sensitivity; both spouses should keep their skin and underwear clean; not be naked in front of their spouses; both parties should try their best to show their positive qualities and overcome negative qualities; and so on.

2. Start from love

Only a happy sex life for couples based on love can make both parties, especially the woman, feel happy. Sexual intercourse without love is impossible to satisfy the soul and body, and is just a release of sexual desire. Sexual behavior is essentially a psychological phenomenon. If the mind is unbalanced, there are negative emotions such as fear, worry, tension, anxiety, disgust, and anger, sexual satisfaction will inevitably be affected.

3. Understanding and cooperation

The sexual demands of the couple are often different, and their cognition of sexual pleasure, frequency of sexual intercourse, sexual preferences and other issues is not completely consistent. The couple should not demand that the other party conform to their own wishes, but should be considerate of each other, otherwise it is difficult to obtain sexual satisfaction. While “keeping differences”, we should also “seek common ground”. Both parties should learn from each other and actively communicate to make sexual cognition consistent, so as to obtain sexual satisfaction more easily.

4. Frequent “expression of love”

Frequent “expression of love” between couples is an important condition for maintaining sexual attraction and obtaining sexual satisfaction. The expression of love must be sincere. You can say “I love you” directly, or you can do it through non-verbal behaviors such as kissing and caressing. Sincere expression of love can reflect the inner sense of happiness, symbolize the connection between sexual joy and love, and make the sexual life of couples natural, warm and harmonious.

High-quality sexual psychology, high-quality sex life

Whether the sexual life of couples is harmonious or not is closely related to several factors such as the emotional state, sexual experience and tacit cooperation of both parties. Only with harmonious sex life can the relationship between husband and wife be harmonious and the family be harmonious; disharmonious sex life can cause sexual dysfunction of both husband and wife, cause emotional breakdown, and even lead to divorce tragedy.

Harmonious sex life is so important that several necessary conditions must be paid attention to.

1. Good health and good spirit

Sex life is a high-intensity physical exercise, accompanied by physiological changes such as increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, rapid breathing, muscle movement, etc., which consumes a lot of heat energy, so a healthy body is necessary; sex life is also a complex psychological process, so it is inseparable from a good mental state. When the body is not in good health or the spirit is low, sexual function is very likely to be impaired, and it is difficult to have a harmonious sex life.

2. Master the rules and be considerate to each other

Usually, women’s sexual impulse is in a latent state, and men should take the initiative to mobilize women’s sexual desire and prepare for caressing before sexual intercourse. Men should gently touch women’s clitoris, breasts, nipples and other sexually sensitive areas, make full use of vision, hearing, and touch, stimulate women’s sexual desire in many ways, and wait until women have sexual intercourse requirements before proceeding, so that men and women can reach orgasm at the same time or successively. Men should not fall asleep immediately after ejaculation, but should continue to hug women for a while, caress them fully, talk to each other, and make women feel psychologically satisfied.

3. Strong love between husband and wife

Fresh love and strong feelings between husband and wife are prerequisites for harmonious sex life; a relationship between the sexes with moral principles must be established to promote harmonious sex life. There are individual differences between husband and wife, such as age, occupation, physique, temperament, cultural level, personality, ideology, behavioral characteristics, sexual awareness, sexual response, etc., which may be different. This requires the establishment of a sincere, loyal, respectful, considerate and equal relationship between husband and wife to make up for it.

4. Voluntary and equal

Sexual life must be based on voluntary and equal consent between the two parties. In sex life, there is no distinction between the master and the slave between husband and wife. It cannot be believed that “the wife must satisfy the husband” or “the husband must satisfy the wife”, and both parties cannot have a “coping” attitude.

5. Appropriate time and frequency

Most scholars believe that sex is best done before going to bed at night so that there is enough time to recover physical strength; the frequency of sex should be appropriately controlled. Although there is no unified standard so far, it should be appropriate if both the husband and wife do not feel tired or even feel physically and mentally comfortable and happy the next day.

6. Pay attention to non-verbal communication

Non-verbal communication in sex is a silent transmission of information, which can make sex more imaginative and appealing, and give people a subtle and beautiful enjoyment.

(1) Hugging, kissing, affectionate eyes, and lingering whispers are all sending messages of courtship.

(2) When your wife hugs you tighter or gets closer to you, it means she needs stronger stimulation from you. When she slowly pushes you away, you should also know what’s going on.

(3) Set up secret signals in advance, such as putting your palms together and adjusting the posture and amplitude of sexual intercourse according to the strength of the other person’s palms. You can also prepare a sexual code in advance when the woman is about to orgasm, so that you can quickly and accurately grasp the woman’s orgasm, so that both of you can enter the orgasm period and achieve the greatest happiness in your sex life.

7. Be good at eliminating psychological interference

Psychological balance, mutual trust, and sincere love are the primary psychological factors for harmonious sexual life; eliminating psychological interference is crucial. This must first achieve psychological equality between both parties.

Secondly, choosing a suitable environment is an important way to eliminate psychological interference, such as a quiet bedroom, curtains to soften the indoor light during the day, low-degree lights at night, comfortable beds, clean bedding, try to choose your favorite styles and colors, etc.

Chapter 5 Sexual perversion: Sexual abnormality fission

What is sexual perversion?

Human sexual behavior is restricted by the social culture and background in which it is located. All sexual behaviors that do not conform to a specific cultural environment are abnormal sexual behaviors. Sexual perversion of men and women, also known as sexual distortion or sexual perversion, refers to abnormal manifestations of sexual psychology or sexual behavior, that is, some people do not satisfy their sexual physiological needs through the usual sexual organ intercourse between opposite sexes, but use other abnormal methods to obtain sexual satisfaction or pleasure, which is an abnormal behavior that violates sexual norms. Sexual perversion is a psychological disease, not a mental illness. Sexual perversion can have serious consequences for the lives of couples, causing mental trauma and psychological pain.

Sexual perverts often prefer a certain special sexual desire. Freud divided sexual perversion into quantitative abnormalities and qualitative abnormalities: quantitative abnormalities include hypersexuality, such as male nymphomania, female nymphomania, etc.; qualitative abnormalities include abnormal means, such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, sexual sadism, sexual masochism, sodomy, etc., as well as abnormal sexual objects, such as homosexuality, pedophilia, bestiality, etc.

The characteristics of sexual perverts are:

(1) Sexual impulse disorder and sexual object distortion.

(2) Most of them have low libido and even have difficulty in having a normal sex life.

(3) Most of them have normal moral and ethical values, good social adaptation, conscientious work, introverted personality, no abnormal signs in appearance (except transsexualism), and often feel guilty afterwards, but it is difficult for them to restrain themselves.

(4) Generally, they do not have obvious personality disorders and other antisocial behaviors. For example, homosexuals behave like normal people in other aspects.

(5) They have sufficient ability to identify abnormal sexual behavior and a certain degree of self-control, but they are ultimately unable to suppress strong sexual impulses and pathological behaviors. Although abnormal sexual behavior is a pathological psychological need, its consequences may harm the physical and mental health of others, disrupt social order, and be immoral, which is not tolerated by social moral norms or laws.

For people with sexual psychological abnormalities, we should actively use both symptomatic and root cause methods to correct them according to different causes. However, prevention should be the main approach to prevent sexual abnormalities.

People who have been harmed by sexual perverts should learn to use psychological, medical and legal means to protect themselves, and at the same time, prevention should be the priority.

Symptom 1 of sexual perversion: lamentable transsexualism

Case 1

A man, 32 years old, is relatively short and thin, and looks no different from a normal man. He has been like a girl since he was a child, and likes to wear beautiful clothes and flowery shoes. His parents have repeatedly reprimanded him for his strange behavior, but it didn’t help. From elementary school to junior high school, he only liked to play with female classmates and play games that girls like with them, so he also got the nickname “Miss”. In junior high school, because he could no longer bear the collective life in the boys’ dormitory, he chose to drop out of school and went out to work soon after. When he was 20 years old, his parents introduced him to a girlfriend. As a result, once his girlfriend made an intimate move towards him, he couldn’t stand it at all. Two years later, the frustrated girlfriend finally left him, and he felt relieved.

Finally, he went to the hospital and asked to become a woman. The doctor asked him, “Why do you want to have a sex change operation?” He said, “If I don’t have a sex change operation, I don’t know how long I can hold on.”

Case 2

A woman, 31 years old, from Ningxia. She liked to hang out with boys since she was a child, liked to dress like a man, and was particularly afraid of going to the women’s restroom. When she saw a girl, she felt like a voyeur. When she was in the second year of junior high school, her first period gave her an experience that was not shyness, but helplessness. At that time, after she changed the sanitary napkin handed to her by her mother, she began to ask herself constantly, “How can I be a woman?” When she grew up, she learned to smoke and drink.

The emotional suffering made her most painful. She didn’t like boys, only girls. For the girls she loved, she would tell them about her inner struggles, stating that she was not a homosexual, and that she would find a way to transform herself into a complete man. Her first love was a female classmate in high school. They supported each other for 3 years, and although she was still a girl, she still made a vow to her girlfriend. Later, her girlfriend couldn’t stand the pressure from her family and married a normal man. On the day of her girlfriend’s wedding, she ignored the obstruction of her relatives and friends, came to her girlfriend’s wedding scene with a bouquet of roses in her hand, and watched her go away in the bridal car. In the following years, she changed many jobs, but all the people she fell in love with were women.

Now, after the operation, she has fulfilled her biggest wish in this life – to become a man, and the trouble and torment of transsexualism for her for more than ten years has also ended.

Transsexualism refers to the psychological denial of one’s own gender, believing that one’s gender is opposite to the gender of the external genitalia, and requiring a change in physiological gender characteristics. Therefore, it is also called gender conversion or gender conversion disorder. It is a psychological abnormality and belongs to gender identity recognition disorder. This abnormal behavior can be seen in both men and women, with more men, and the ratio of men to women is about 3:1.

The main manifestations are: dissatisfaction and discomfort with one’s own physical gender, a strong desire to change gender, and the hope to change to another gender and live as another gender. Such people often dress like the opposite sex, speak and behave like the opposite sex, and often go to the hospital to ask doctors to perform gender change surgery. Men psychologically identify themselves as women around puberty, and often wear women’s clothing, grow women’s hairstyles, wear lipstick, draw eyebrows, speak in a high-pitched voice, imitate women’s postures, use chemicals to remove beards, pad breasts, participate in women’s social activities, like cooking and sewing, etc. Moreover, their sexual desire is low. Only 1/3 of patients get married, and half of them divorce after marriage. When doctors cannot meet their transgender requirements, they often remove their external genitalia or take female hormones, and depression and suicide are also common. Female patients also imitate men from appearance to internal feelings, and ask doctors to perform breast and hysterectomy. A few even ask for corrective surgery to install plastic penises.

For the treatment of this disease, cognitive therapy combined with behavioral therapy is more effective. On the one hand, it improves cognitive level, and on the other hand, aversion therapy is used to confront and alleviate pathological psychological behaviors. Surgical treatment cannot really cure it, because it can only change a person’s physical gender characteristics.

Symptom 2 of sexual perversion: ridiculous homosexuality

He is a young man who has just been admitted to graduate school, but he has infinite pain in his heart. He had no interest in women, but men. He had a special interest in beautiful men in high school, and he suffered a lot for this. In college, he was even more troubled by such emotions, which took away all his joy and hope. Whether studying or attending class, he sat in the front row and didn’t let himself look around, so as to maintain his studies. He also tried his best to behave like a normal boy and interact with others. For this reason, he had a very good relationship with his classmates, and he was even more like a brother with one of them. Unfortunately, he fell in love with him, but he suppressed himself. In his third year of college, he lived in a room alone, and that classmate often came to see him. One night, they lived together. He finally poured out his pain and feelings for him, and asked him to forgive him. Perhaps out of pity, the classmate hugged him and asked him to kiss him. Another time, he let the classmate stay overnight, and he also got great satisfaction. But during the day, they began to hide away. After graduation, he studied for a master’s degree and tried all kinds of efforts to change himself, but it was always in vain, so that he wanted to die very much.

Homosexuality is the act of taking a person of the same sex as a sexual object and engaging in sexual behavior with them. Homosexuality occurs in women and is called female homosexuality, while it occurs in men. Homosexuals may have no sexual inclination towards the opposite sex, or may have a weak sexual inclination or normal sexual behavior.

The manifestations of homosexuality are: there are often certain signs since childhood, such as preference for the opposite sex, wearing opposite sex clothing, and imitating the opposite sex’s words, deeds, and body shapes. When entering puberty, they begin to have a liking for the same sex and have no interest in the opposite sex. However, some homosexuals do not reject the phenomenon of falling in love with the opposite sex. Some homosexuals can also marry the opposite sex and have children, but the intensity of homosexuality often exceeds the love with the opposite sex, resulting in indifference, deterioration, or breakdown of the relationship between the couple after marriage.

Homosexuality can be divided into active (husband type) and passive (wife type). It is generally believed that the degree of psychological disorders of male passive and female active homosexuals is more serious, and they are often the main people who seduce and pull others into the water.

The relationship between male homosexuals is generally not as strong and lasting as that between heterosexuals and female homosexuals. Most male homosexuals behave in a rough masculine manner, and often abandon their original homosexual partners after falling in love with and marrying the opposite sex. Female homosexuality is more hidden and more lasting, with long-term intimate love and mutual care like a couple. Once one party violates the oath, it will cause a strong emotional reaction from the other party, and even revengeful behaviors such as jealousy and aggression, with serious consequences.

Homosexuality is the result of sexual psychological disorders over a long period of time, and there are certain difficulties in treatment, so prevention is more important than treatment. Prevention of homosexuality should start from childhood, especially in terms of gender identity recognition. Parents should give correct guidance as early as possible to avoid gender identity recognition disorders. Certain negative factors in the family environment and social culture also have a certain impact on sexual psychological development. Parents should educate and cultivate their children according to their gender and psychological characteristics, and should not cultivate their children’s character to satisfy their own preferences.

For the treatment of homosexuality, perceptual psychotherapy, psychological counseling and aversion therapy can all be used. Hormone therapy, such as gonadotropin or hormones of the same sex, may also have a certain therapeutic effect on some patients.

Symptom 3 of sexual perversion: Hateful exhibitionism

A man, 30 years old. During his college years, he took out his genitals and masturbated in front of women many times. He was caught and sent to the police station. Later, he was punished for exposing his genitals in front of female classmates many times. He was honest and shy since childhood. When he was in kindergarten, the young nurse often touched his penis when bathing him, which made him feel comfortable. He started to have wet dreams at the age of 13 and masturbated at the age of 16. On the eve of high school graduation, the school organized a movie watching. In the cinema, he approached a female classmate who was not familiar with the next seat. He immediately had the urge to show his penis, but he did not dare to. He had no choice but to masturbate and ejaculate. The woman saw it but did not say anything. At that time, he felt great pleasure and satisfaction. For many years, he was used to reading alone in his room naked. In public places, such as on the bus, when he saw a good-looking woman, he suddenly had the urge to expose his genitals. He claimed that the feeling of exposing his genitals was endless. The doctor asked him, “How long does it take you to stop? Do you feel proud?” He said, “After I ejaculate, I feel proud when I get up. After I ejaculate, the more curious the girls are, the more proud I am.”

The so-called exhibitionism refers to the abnormal sexual behavior of adults who, for sexual satisfaction, expose their genitals or masturbate outside of normal sexual life and in inappropriate environments to cause nervous and horrified reactions in the opposite sex, thereby obtaining sexual pleasure.

Exhibitionism is a common sexual perversion, accounting for about 1/3 of sexual perverts, and its incidence rate is second only to homosexuality, which ranks first. It is more common in men and very rare in women. Exhibitionists have low sexual ability and generally do not cause further harm to the opposite sex after exposing their genitals. When exposing their genitals, they often choose quiet and secluded places such as corners of parks and turns of alleys. They believe that exposing their genitals can psychologically destroy the chastity of the opposite sex and feel that the other party has been humiliated and raped by themselves. The age range of onset is very wide, and it can occur in teenagers, young adults, and the elderly, with a peak between 15 and 30 years old.

Prevention and treatment measures: Pay attention to sexual and psychological health education and sexual role training in early childhood; early detection and compulsory treatment measures can achieve a better prognosis. Generally, treatment should be targeted at the cause of the disease. Patients with exhibitionism caused by mental trauma should receive systematic and targeted psychological treatment; for patients with intellectual disabilities, behavioral therapy should be the main method to rebuild new behavioral patterns and enable them to learn self-control.

Symptom 4 of sexual perversion: shameful voyeurism

A woman, 26 years old, is beautiful and quiet, with a gentle and introverted personality. She does not behave abnormally at work. She is usually responsible at work, modest and polite, and her colleagues like her. Her family life is not happy. She got married two years ago, but separated six months ago due to sexual disharmony between the couple. She has never felt pleasure and satisfaction from sexual life with her husband and wife, and sex is boring to her. She can only get sexual satisfaction from peeping at other people’s intimacy. Although she feels that it is shameful and obscene to do so, and has a deep sense of guilt, she cannot control her strong desire. Why is this so? It turned out that when she was 10 years old, she woke up in the middle of the night by chance and saw her parents having sex. She was very surprised and curious, but she dared not say anything. Since then, she often pretended to sleep at night and peeped at her parents having sex, which gave her a special excitement and pleasure. When she was 19 years old, one day she was in a bad mood and wandered alone on the beach. She was inadvertently attracted by a couple hugging each other. She secretly hid and peeked, guessing their sexual contact from their kissing, caressing and other intimate actions. At this time, she had a strange sexual pleasure. From then on, she had a desire to peek at other people’s intimacy, and it was so strong that she couldn’t control herself…

Voyeurism refers to the behavior of looking for various opportunities to peek at the opposite sex’s naked body or genitals, and sexual intercourse process to satisfy sexual desire. Voyeurism is a common psychological abnormality, which is generally more common in men and less common in women. As for teenagers and children, occasionally peeping at the opposite sex’s genitals out of curiosity should not be diagnosed, because they will not have such behavior after adulthood and marriage.

Voyeurists have a strong demand for peeping, and this demand appears periodically. If this desire is barely suppressed, it can cause obvious anxiety and uneasiness, but after peeping, they can get sexual pleasure. Voyeurists are generally introverted, shy, lack the means of communication with the opposite sex, and may have some obstacles to normal sexual life. Male patients may risk sneaking into women’s toilets and bathrooms to peek at women’s genitals, and the objects of the peeping may never know. Some even masturbate while peeping.

Prevention and treatment measures: The same treatment as other sexual perversions; focus on using aversion therapy, combined with situational imagination, and gradually eliminate sexual psychological barriers psychologically; those who repeatedly offend and have stubborn symptoms should be severely punished by law. Only by being severely punished can recidivism be prevented.

Symptom 5 of sexual perversion: pathetic fetishism

A 25-year-old man is obsessed with women’s high-heeled sandals. A female colleague wore a pair of beautiful white high-heeled shoes, and he couldn’t help kneeling at her feet to kiss her shoes and begged her to give them to him. The female colleague joked that the prerequisite was that he kneeled on the floor holding her shoes for 10 nights, and he had to kneel and look at it for at least 3 hours every night, and he really did it.

A breast fetishist often attacks women, sometimes biting the breasts of female victims, but not raping them. In his confession, he explained: “I am only interested in breasts, not rape.”

Fetishism refers to the attempt and behavior of collecting inanimate objects used by the opposite sex, which is driven by strong sexual desire and sexual excitement. It is almost only seen in men. The fetish objects are generally things that touch the female body, such as bras, panties, underwear, hairpins, etc. Touching and smelling such objects accompanied by masturbation can obtain sexual satisfaction.

The causes of this disease are generally as follows:

(1) Abnormal sexual psychological development. Patients generally have subconscious concerns about their genitals, which prompts them to seek safer and easier-to-obtain sexual objects, or develop a subconscious mind to regard a part of the opposite sex’s body and accessories as sexual organs to relieve their inner anxiety.

(2) Habitual behavior, accidental behavior forms a conditioned reflex after repeated repetitions.

(3) Lack of sexual knowledge, curiosity and certain problems in consciousness.

Symptom 6 of sexual perversion: Terrible sexual sadism

Zhao, 21 years old, used a blade to cut the red down jackets worn by young women, claiming that “red is bright and stimulating.” A married man, 28 years old, is usually gentle, quiet, law-abiding, hard-working, has good interpersonal relationships, strict family education, and has never received sex education. He has been married for two or three years and the couple has a good relationship. Due to busy work, the couple rarely have sex, and he feels deeply sexually repressed. Later, he could not control himself and went out to cut the thighs and buttocks of young women with sharp objects. When the other party screamed, he felt excited and fled in a hurry. After returning home, he fell asleep.

Sexual sadism refers to sexual perversion that obtains sexual satisfaction by abusing the opposite sex, such as whipping or hurting their body, causing pain to the other party. It is mainly seen in men.

In contrast, sexual masochism refers to receiving abuse from the opposite sex, such as being whipped, and getting a high degree of sexual satisfaction when the body is hurt. It is more common in women.

Prevention and treatment measures: Use the various prevention and treatment methods mentioned above, combined with legal punishment.

Symptom 7 of sexual perversion: Hateful pedophilia

Pedophilia is a psychological disorder that is obsessed with children and obtains sexual satisfaction through indecent acts such as molestation and rape. It is more common in the elderly, the mentally retarded or a few middle-aged and young sexual perverts. The main causes of pedophilia are immature sexual psychology and physiological development and sexual dysfunction. Alcoholism and overcrowded living conditions may also be related factors that induce it. It is difficult to correct pedophiles, and most of them are identified as criminal or antisocial behaviors and are severely punished.

Symptom 8 of sexual perversion: Hateful friction addiction

A freshman boy will have a sexual impulse when he sees girls wearing revealing and transparent clothes. When he was in high school, he was crowded with strange girls in the cafeteria and felt sexual excitement and pleasure, and he couldn’t stop from then on. Later, on crowded buses and in canteens, he could not help but deliberately walk to the girls, and even ejaculate on their clothes. But afterwards, he always felt that he was too obscene, ashamed and self-blaming, but when the opportunity came, he often could not control himself.

Friction fetish is the abnormal psychology and behavior of achieving sexual excitement and satisfaction by rubbing his penis against the female body and body. The friction objects are usually strangers, and often occur in crowded and busy places, such as shopping malls or buses. It is seen in men.

Friction fetishists are often caught on the spot, causing public outrage, and are sent to the public security department for punishment, but they still commit crimes afterwards. It is a criminal act of molesting women and should be held legally responsible.

Chapter 6 A Dream in a Curtain: Psychological Analysis of Sexual Dreams and Dreams

Dreaming is normal and has many benefits

Dreaming is a normal and indispensable physiological and psychological phenomenon of the human body, and even some animals dream. The physiological reason for dreaming, in simple terms, is that a small number of brain cells are still active after a person falls asleep. Many people will ask, what is the meaning of dreaming? What will happen if you don’t dream?

1. Dreaming is conducive to psychological balance

When people dream, the right hemisphere of the brain is more active, while when they don’t dream, the left hemisphere of the brain is more active than the right hemisphere. During the day and night activities, people sometimes dream and sometimes wake up, so the nerve and psychological activities can be alternately adjusted and in a dynamic balance. Therefore, dreaming is conducive to maintaining a good state of attention, emotions and cognitive activities, and is a way to coordinate psychological balance.

2. Dreaming is conducive to ensuring physical and mental health

What will happen if people don’t dream? Relevant scholars have conducted an experiment: closely monitor the brain waves of sleepers, and once signs of dreaming are found, they will be awakened immediately, and this will be repeated. As a result, after a period of time, the subjects showed a series of physiological abnormalities, such as weakened autonomic nervous system function, significantly increased body temperature, blood pressure, and skin electrical response ability. In addition, many adverse psychological reactions have also occurred, such as tension, irritability, anxiety, perceptual hallucinations, memory disorders, etc. It can be seen that dreaming is conducive to ensuring physical and mental health.

3. Dreaming symbolizes brain health and helps improve sleep quality

Recent studies have shown that dreams are a symbol and need for healthy brain development and normal thinking, and are the result of the brain balancing various functions of the body. If you don’t dream for a long time, or have nightmares for a long time, or only have some incomplete dream fragments, your sleep must be bad, and there may be problems with the brain or other organs, so you need to be vigilant.

What dreams tell us: Master Freud said so

After reading the above introduction, you have a general understanding of the benefits of dreaming, but those are relatively easy to perceive and superficial, and the implications of dreams are not limited to this. This requires mentioning the issue of dream interpretation. Most people think that dream interpretation is to use dreams to tell fortunes, which is still superficial and will ignore the hints of dreams. If you don’t pay attention to the hints of dreams, you can’t interpret the information that dreams want to tell you, and life will lose a lot of color. So, what deep hints do dreams have?

Freud is both a famous psychologist and a famous dream interpreter. He believed that dreams were not the product of people’s chaotic and absurd consciousness, but a conscious mental phenomenon produced by highly complex intellectual activities. It was a continuation of mental activities in a waking state, which was conducive to the realization of certain wishes. Dreams were virtual and symbolic reflections of people’s deep psychological contradictions, desires and emotions, which could satisfy certain desires that people could not or temporarily could not satisfy in reality, thus maintaining psychological balance and ensuring sleep quality.

In the process of studying dreams, Freud conducted experiments on himself many times. For example, in one experiment, he deliberately ate very salty food and drank very little water, and then fell asleep in thirst. After that, he dreamed of drinking sweet spring water. He concluded that drinking water in a dream could relieve thirst, so he didn’t have to wake up, thus ensuring sleep quality. For another example, he usually went to bed early and got up early, and sometimes deliberately worked late at night, so that he would be sleepy in the morning. As a result, in the morning, he dreamed of getting up and washing himself. He believed that this would give him a psychological explanation and he could continue to sleep with peace of mind.

Based on his own theory, Freud analyzed dreams for many people. For example, a friend’s wife dreamed of menstruation and asked Freud to interpret the dream. He asked her if she wanted a child, and she said no. So Freud told her: “Unfortunately, you may be pregnant.” Another time, a lady dreamed that her shirt was stained with milk. Freud believed that she was pregnant and she already had a child. Because she hoped that the child to be born would have more milk than the first child, she dreamed of being covered with milk. Freud’s speculation was relatively correct.

The example of a female patient can also prove Freud’s dream theory. She had a jaw disease, and the doctor asked her to apply cold compresses to the painful area every night, but in the morning she always found that the cold compress bags on her face were thrown far away. The doctor blamed her. She explained that she didn’t want to do this, and it must be a dream. During the day, she always thought, how nice it would be if someone got sick for her. At night, she dreamed that she was watching a performance in a theater box. Suddenly, she remembered Mr. A who was suffering from illness in the hospital. She couldn’t help but wonder if her jaw was sick. So she touched it with her hand and found something stuck on her jaw. She pulled it off and threw it away. Mr. A in her dream was actually a friend of hers. Obviously, she realized her wish to transfer the pain to others in her dream.

Dreams can be simple or complex. Freud pointed out that children’s psychology is simpler than that of adults, and their dreams are simpler and simpler. He believes that dreams are essentially the fulfillment of wishes, whether simple or complex. Although children’s dreams are simpler and more boring than adults’ dreams, they are simple and obvious wishes, but they prove the nature of human dreams. For example, when Freud’s daughter was 8 years old, there was a 12-year-old boy named Emil in the neighbor’s house. His daughter had a good impression of the boy, liked to play with him, and always had a lot of fun. One day at breakfast, the daughter excitedly told her family: “Last night I dreamed that Emil became a member of our family, called us dad and mom, and slept in the same room with us. Mom came in and stuffed a piece of chocolate under everyone’s pillow.” It can be seen that the daughter wanted the little boy to be her good friend forever, so she fulfilled her wish through a simple dream.

In fact, it is not comprehensive to completely understand dreams as the fulfillment of wishes. After Freud, many psychologists have done a lot of experiments to supplement and improve his theory. Some psychologists believe that dreams can predict the future.

Although many people have studied dreams and put forward many theories since ancient times, the mystery of dreams has not been fully revealed so far, and it still attracts people to explore.

Dreams come true is not a myth: the supernatural psychology of dreams

1. Dreams under psychological effects

Case 1

A lady dreamed that she met her former family doctor at the door of a store, and coincidentally, she went out shopping the next morning and really met him at the door of the store. She told Freud about her “precognitive dream”. Freud asked her in detail and found that after she got up in the morning, the female patient did not remember her dream last night. It was only when she met the old doctor that she thought she had dreamed of this encounter last night. It turned out that the female patient met a man at the doctor’s house many years ago. The two fell in love at first sight and had been dating for many years. And the night before she had the dream, she waited for him until late at night, but he did not come. Freud said: “I soon understood that the meaning of this dream was: ‘Ah, doctor, you remind me of the old days, when he valued his appointment with me so much, and I would never wait in vain.'”

The lady in the example suddenly felt familiar with the good old days when she met the old doctor, and the idea of “reliving the old dream” was “transferred” to the idea of meeting the old doctor in her dream.

In addition to the good times, some people have a sense of familiarity with “scenery”, that is, when they first arrive at a place, they suddenly feel that every plant and tree there is “familiar”, as if they have seen it in a dream. This may also be another “transfer” of repressed psychology.

Case 2

A strange thing happened to a lady when she was 12 years old, and she could not forget it for many years. When she visited her classmate’s house, she felt that she had been there before as soon as she entered the courtyard of her classmate’s house. The feeling became stronger after entering the living room, but she had never been there before. Freud’s analysis pointed out that this “sense of familiarity” actually came from another “sense of familiarity”. It turned out that the classmate had a younger brother who was about to die of illness, and the lady knew about this before going to the classmate’s house. The lady’s only younger brother had suffered from a serious infectious disease a few months ago, causing her to be sent to a distant relative’s home for isolation. Therefore, she may have had the psychological expectation of her brother’s death, but she suppressed it. When visiting her classmate’s home, the lady may vaguely remember that she had a similar familiar situation a few months ago, and “transferred” this sense of familiarity to the classmate’s courtyard and living room.

In other words, under some subtle psychological effects, we will feel that we have had a dream, but we may not have really done it.

2. Subconscious insight

Case 1

A man dreamed of paralysis and spasm of his arms and mouth many times. Unexpectedly, a few months later, his dream came true. He actually had partial paralysis in his arm, and he found that the paralysis was caused by syphilis.

Why did he have a “precognitive dream”? It can be analyzed from two aspects: physiologically and psychologically: physiologically, syphilis attacks are very hidden, and the man may have felt some minor attacks in his dreams at night and had such a dream; psychologically, the man may have been worried about being infected with syphilis, and in the dream, these hidden worries became active, which led to the “precognitive dream”.

Case 2

A man and a lady were introduced to each other and met for a blind date. They had a good impression of each other. That night after the meeting, the man had a dream that the lady cheated on him after marrying him, and also took his property and drove him out of the house. After waking up, he kept blaming himself for being suspicious and tried to forget the dream. Later, he and the lady became lovers and got married after a while. Two years after the marriage, his wife really found a lover outside, asked for a divorce, and drove him out of the house.

Psychologists believe that this “precognitive dream” actually comes from the gentleman’s subconscious insight. When they first met, the gentleman had an intuition that the lady was fickle, but the lady’s appearance left a very good impression on the gentleman, so he suppressed his “suspicion”. But the suppressed intuition can be active in the night dream, thus producing a “precognitive dream”.

The above example shows that “precognitive dreams” may sometimes come from people’s subconscious insight. This insight can be divided into physiological insight and psychological insight. The dream in “Case 1” has both.

3. Self-realization

Case 1

A gentleman was going to receive a bonus and was very happy. But he had a dream at night. He dreamed that after he received the bonus and went home, he couldn’t find it. When he hurried back to the road to look for it, passers-by laughed at him. He felt very ominous after waking up, so after receiving the bonus the next day, he put it in his purse, held it tightly in his arms, and opened it from time to time to check it on the way home. Unexpectedly, this action was noticed by the thief, who followed him to a bus, cut his bag, and stole his money. The people on the bus saw it, but no one said a word.

Case 2

Zhu Zhutuo, a great scholar in the early Qing Dynasty, liked to eat duck meat since he was a child. When he was young, he had a dream that he was walking through the suburbs and passed by a large pond with thousands of ducks in it. The boy who was watching the ducks said to him, “This is your lifelong food.” When Zhu Zhutuo was 81 years old, he fell ill and stayed in bed. He dreamed that he passed by the large pond he had dreamed of in his youth. But this time there were only two ducks in the pond. After waking up, he felt that this dream was ominous, so he asked his family not to cook and kill ducks anymore. Unfortunately, his daughter came back to visit her father and knew that he liked to eat duck meat, so she slaughtered two ducks at home and brought them to honor her father. Zhu Zhutuo stared blankly at the two cooked ducks, feeling very depressed, thinking: My life is over. As a result, he really died that night.

(The story comes from the Qing Dynasty’s notes novel “Autumn Lantern Collection”)

If you pay too much attention to your “ominous” dream and take some action for it, then this dream may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. On the surface, the gentleman’s dream can be said to be predictive, but if he did not check the money in his bag frequently because of the taboo of dreams, there might not be thieves targeting him, and the money might not be lost. It can be said that the gentleman fulfilled his “predictive dream”. By the same token, Zhu Zhutuo also fulfilled his dream.

4. Memory distortion

Case 1

According to the British “Psychic Research Society” once reported, Sir Hornby, a highly respected old judge in the British High Court in the 19th century (who once served as the chief judge of the “King’s High Court in China and Japan” in Shanghai) told his own supernatural dream event in 1884.

On the evening of January 19, 1875, Sir Hornby was writing a summary of the judgment of a case that would be decided the next day in his study after dinner. This summary was for Mr. A, a reporter of a certain newspaper. After writing the summary, he put it in an envelope and asked the servant to deliver it to Mr. A. You should know that at that time, it took at least 24 hours for a newspaper to publish the manuscript from the time it received the manuscript. Therefore, when the summary of the judgment given to Mr. A by Hornby was published in the newspaper, he had already made the judgment in the court. After falling asleep that night, he heard someone knocking on the door. He thought it was the servant who came to check the fire in the stove, so he asked him to come in, but in the dim light he saw that it was Mr. A, the reporter, who came in. He was very unhappy and said to Mr. A, “My servant has sent you the summary of the judgment at 11:30. Go back and read it!” But Mr. A, who looked a little pale, refused to leave. He said, “Time is very tight. Please dictate the summary of the judgment and I will write it down in my notebook.” Then he took out a notebook. Judge Hornby looked at the clock and saw that it was around 1:20. He was afraid of waking up his wife, so he had to dictate the summary of the judgment, while Mr. A was busy taking shorthand. Finally, Hornby said, “This is the last time I let a reporter break into my room.” And Mr. A actually said, “This is also the last time I will see you.” After recording the summary, he said goodbye.

The next day, Hornby went to the court. When the court clerk came in to help him put on his robe, he said that Mr. A, a reporter who covered court news for a newspaper, had died late last night. He was shocked. After further questioning, he learned that Mr. A was writing in his room last night. When his wife went to see him at 1:30 a.m., she found that he was dead and the notebook fell on the floor. Judge Hornby borrowed Mr. A’s notebook and found that it said: “The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court made the following judgment on this case this morning…” followed by some unclear and sloppy shorthand. Judge Hornby felt that this matter was too strange, so he sent someone to inquire about Mr. A’s wife and servants. They came back and reported that Mr. A died of some kind of heart disease and he did not go out that night.

The British “Psychic Research Society” firmly believed in the supernatural dream incident of the Chief Justice. Not only were there witnesses and physical evidence, but there were also investigations by specialized personnel. In addition to Hornby’s identity and years of silence, people felt that this was really not a lie.

But later, driven by curiosity, someone launched an investigation into the matter. Investigators discovered that Mr. A’s real name was Tiron Nivens, the editor of the Shanghai Courier (an English newspaper published in Shanghai), and he did die on January 20, 1875, but at 9 a.m., not 1 a.m. And the court did not investigate Nivens’ death. These discrepancies turned Hornby’s supernatural dream incident into a lie. But investigators believe that Judge Hornby had no reason to make such a big joke, and the real reason may be that he had a dream similar to the above after Nivens’ death. Many years later, the order of dreams and facts became blurred, and the distortion of memory made him mistakenly believe that he had indeed had such a supernatural experience.

Case 2

Three years before Freud published his book “The Interpretation of Dreams”, he mentioned a dream in a letter to his close friend Fels: “I must tell you about a good dream I had the night after my father’s funeral… I dreamed of seeing a printed notice – similar to the notice or poster posted in the waiting room of a train station. The sentence on it looked like “You are asked to close your eyes”, but it also looked like “You are asked to close one eye”…” But when he mentioned that dream in “The Interpretation of Dreams”, he said: “The night before my father’s funeral, I had a dream…” Did Freud have this dream “before” or “after” his father’s funeral? I’m afraid even he himself can’t be sure.

The above example shows that even a dream interpreter like Freud can’t avoid memory distortion. Fortunately, there was nothing supernatural about that dream, otherwise a big lie might have come from Freud’s mouth.

Unless you write down the dream you had the night before with a date every day, it is inevitable that memory distortion will occur, blurring and reversing the time between the dream and the real event.

Case 3

Novelist Dickens often recorded his dreams in his diary. According to his diary, one night he dreamed of a strange woman wearing a red shawl, who introduced herself as Miss Napia. Dickens was puzzled when he woke up, because he didn’t know Miss Napia at all, nor did he know women who liked to wear red shawls. A few days later, after one of his recitation performances, many of his adoring readers ran backstage to visit him, and he actually found the red shawl girl in his dream in the crowd, and her name was really Napia. With the diary as evidence, it seems that this is an unquestionable “precognitive dream”. But a careful analysis of Dickens’ diary shows that he recorded the dream a few days ago in his diary “after” meeting Miss Napia. I’m afraid it’s memory distortion again.

Relevant research shows that when a person’s brain waves after sleep show that he has entered the late stage of dreaming, he is woken up and asked to report the dream he is having; then when the subject wakes up the next day, he is asked to describe the dream he had last night. The recording proves that the two descriptions have already had considerable differences in the plot. It can be seen that when we describe dreams, this subjective experience has begun to be distorted.

Wonderful psychological experience of beautiful dreams

Research has shown that beautiful dreams can give people magical psychological experiences, and clever use can treat certain physical and mental diseases and benefit health. Creating beautiful dreams for dream therapy has become an increasingly popular medical technology research. Here are a few examples of dream therapy.

1. Relieving worry dreams

Play the music that the dream therapy subject likes before going to bed, and continue to play it after he falls asleep, but the volume is turned down. At the same time, use an elastic band to wrap around the head of the dream therapy subject through the eyebrows and upper eyelids, and gently press the eyeballs. The elastic band can relieve the headache of the brain, and gently press the eyeballs to promote colorful dreams, and the music can refresh the mind. A multi-pronged approach can relieve the negative emotions and consciousness of patients with depression in the dream world.

2. Aphrodisiac dream

Apply a little cooling oil on the palms of both feet before going to bed, or apply a piece of dampness and pain relief plaster, which can stimulate the lower nerve center of the spinal cord and produce sexual reactions such as erection during sleep. These sexual reactions will affect some cerebral cortex cells, making them active, thus producing various sexual dreams. This dream therapy method may be effective for patients with impotence who have been treated for a long time. If it is impotence caused by sexual neurasthenia, you can take a 3×5 cm medical adhesive plaster, sprinkle 0.5 grams of strychnine powder on it, and stick it on the Yongquan point on the sole of the foot before going to bed, which is easy to promote spring dreams and has a certain therapeutic effect on impotence. However, this method is not suitable for women with dream intercourse and those who have nocturnal emissions.

3. Food dream

Do not eat foods that are difficult to digest before going to bed, and take appropriate amounts of licorice, inula, hawthorn, etc. to boil soup, drink a bowl and fall asleep. Licorice soothes the stomach, hawthorn helps digestion, and inula flower promotes a mild sense of hunger. This three-pronged approach can arouse appetite during sleep, and then form dreams of foraging and gourmet food. Food dreams have a certain effect on poor appetite, anorexia, etc.

Analyze and control your own dreams To learn to analyze and control your dreams, you might as well take a look at how psychologists do it.

When you seek help from a psychologist because of dreaming, you will find that the psychologist does not care about what dreams you have had, but focuses on coherent, repeated or cyclical dreams. Because such dreams can analyze the meaning more clearly and can better and more accurately reflect the psychological state of the seeker. Unlike superstitious “dream interpretation”, psychologists will start from both psychological and physiological aspects, stripping away the meaning of dreams one by one until finally, a true diagnosis is made.

A sophomore girl in a certain university has often had the same dream since the second half of her freshman year. She dreamed that she was waiting for someone naked at a train station, and she didn’t know who she was waiting for, but it was very important anyway. The person she was waiting for never came. People around her pointed at her and talked about her. She felt ashamed and angry. She wanted to find a place to hide, but she was afraid that the person she was waiting for would come and not find her. She could only stand there naked. Every time she woke up, her heart would pound and she would break out in a cold sweat. This lasted for more than a year. She was very tired both physically and mentally, and she even dared not sleep.

The psychologist made a detailed analysis of the girl’s situation:

(1) From a physiological analysis, the girl had a weak constitution and was prone to mild convulsions. Long-term poor rest and stressful studies led to a vicious cycle of physical weakness and nightmares. Her menstrual cycle was irregular, so the same dream also appeared irregularly. She had a history of obvious dysmenorrhea, which made her both afraid and helpless. She had to wait in fear, which led to a deep psychological fear of menstruation and a recurring omen-like stress.

(2) From the perspective of sleeping posture, dreaming of being naked indicates that she feels cold when sleeping, and may have the habit of kicking off the quilt when sleeping; cold sweat and palpitations indicate that she is nervous when sleeping, and it should be that the improper sleeping posture compresses the heart and causes circulatory pressure.

(3) From a psychological perspective, she is introverted, habitually nervous, stubborn and self-doubting, and has difficulty interacting with others, but she has a strong desire to interact subconsciously, and at the same time she is afraid of interacting, fearing that others will look down on her. Therefore, the above dream appeared: in a crowded place (train station), she became the focus of people’s attention with a reason imposed on herself (waiting for an important person) and a way that puts a lot of pressure on herself (naked), and mixed with complex psychological experiences such as excitement, embarrassment, helplessness, anxiety, and tension. Then the doctor gave a solution:

(1) You can use methods such as single rope fixation to forcefully correct your sleeping posture.

(2) Adhere to the drug treatment of dysmenorrhea for more than one year, 15 minutes of gynecological warm-up abdominal exercises every day, and 15 minutes of standard exercises before going to bed at night.

(3) Participate in more than 3 school or club activities; it is best to find a boyfriend.

After reading this case, do you have some insights? In daily life, you should pay attention to the following situations:

(1) People always encounter some unpleasant things in their daily lives. At the mildest, they may cause anxiety, uneasiness, depression and distress, and at the worst, they may cause mental illness. In this case, when people sleep at night, they are likely to have some bad dreams, such as nightmares (dreaming of being chased, etc.), nervous dreams (dreaming of failing an exam, etc.), traumatic dreams (dreaming of past sad things), and naked dreams (dreaming of running naked on the street and feeling ashamed, etc.). If you have bad dreams for a long time, it is necessary to adjust your mind to reduce the psychological burden. How to do it? You can adjust yourself, such as thinking less about unpleasant things, talking to relatives and friends about your depression, trying to improve your interpersonal relationships, and devoting yourself to work or study. If self-adjustment is not effective, it is necessary to seek psychological counseling or psychotherapy.

(2) As the saying goes, “Men should get married when they are old enough, and women should get married when they are old enough.” If adults have been single for a long time, they are likely to have dreams about the opposite sex. Of course, the specific content is different and varies depending on the person’s gender, personality, cultural level, and upbringing. Some people’s sexual dreams are full of bitterness, some are full of pornography and violence, and some are full of romance and sweetness. Regardless of the content, it is the result of a lack of sexual emotions. Frequent dreams of this kind are not good for the body. The fundamental solution is to find the other half of your life as soon as possible, or to temporarily relieve it by diverting attention through hard work or other methods.

(3) Some people have a happy family, a smooth job, and have nothing unpleasant recently, but they still have nightmares. This may be due to improper sleeping posture or physiological diseases. Pay attention to changing your sleeping posture or go to the hospital for a physical examination.

If you have any doubts about your dreams, please consult a psychologist.

A woman, 40 years old this year, is a senior intellectual with a strong sense of career and strict requirements for herself and others. She has a good relationship with her husband, but she thinks that her husband is not good at expressing emotions and has a cold sex life, which makes her feel a little dissatisfied. She often dreams recently that a male classmate from college came to her house and said that he was hiding from being hunted. But her parents, husband and sister were all at home at the time and were not very welcoming to the classmate’s arrival. When she talked to this classmate, she said she wanted to have a child, and the classmate said she could have a child with her sister. Then the classmate accidentally soiled his pants, so she wanted to find him a pair of shorts, but her husband found him a pair of ugly pants. She felt that there were many shorts, so why did she find an ugly pair of pants, so she was very angry. So she searched through boxes and cabinets, but couldn’t find it. When she was anxious and angry, a group of strangers broke into the house and said they came to kill her classmates. While having this dream, she often had migraines, felt that she was often in an anxious state, difficult to relax, very tired and painful, so she consulted a psychologist.

The doctor asked and learned that the college classmate in the dream had praised her beauty many times, liked her in college, and she also liked this classmate more. Many years after graduation, this classmate often appeared in her dreams, and she even dreamed of having sex with each other. In recent days, he called to say that he would come to see this lady, and she was waiting for him. Moreover, her husband has not been around for a while, so she has a lot of freedom, but she is afraid that the classmate’s visit will lead to adverse consequences, and she is very conflicted. The psychologist pointed out that her dream reflects her sexual desire. The dream mentioned that she wanted to have a child, her shorts were dirty, and she was looking for shorts everywhere, which were all symbols of her desire to have sex with that classmate, but her sister became a scapegoat; her parents were unhappy, her husband gave her a pair of ugly pants, etc., which reflected her inner sense of morality. This dream reflects the deep desire for another relationship in her heart, and also reflects the serious conflict between her inner instinctive desire and moral sense.

The doctor reminded her that the repression and conflict revealed in the dream are related to her current migraine and anxiety. On the surface, migraine and tension and anxiety are caused by being too busy at work and too much pressure. In fact, there are deeper reasons: her husband’s poor expression of emotions and the decline in the quality of sex life have made her desire for another relationship, but this desire is not allowed and condemned by moral consciousness, so it constitutes a strong conflict and repression, inducing severe migraine, tension, anxiety and fatigue. The doctor reminded her to face her sexual desire and repression problems and readjust herself.

The lady followed the doctor’s instructions and after a period of adjustment, her adverse symptoms improved significantly.

From the above examples, we can see that dream interpretation is of great significance to psychological counseling and psychotherapy. Although dream interpretation technology is currently mainly used in psychoanalysis, it also has a positive effect when applied appropriately in general psychological counseling: dream interpretation can save psychological counseling time and reduce the diagnostic error rate of experts; it can bypass certain resistances and enter the inner world of the client more quickly; it can also stimulate the interest of the counselor and enhance the trust and cooperation with the expert.

Lift the veil of sexual dreams and reveal the mystery of sexual dreams

The so-called sexual dreams generally refer to dreams in which people are intimate with the opposite sex in their sleep. They may dream of hugging, caressing, kissing, or even having sex with the opposite sex. Sexual dreams are very common. In a study, researchers surveyed 250 college students. The results showed that almost everyone had sexual dreams, and 66.4% of them dreamed of having sex with the opposite sex.

Sexual dreams are a normal sexual physiological and psychological phenomenon. Psychologists believe that sexual dreams are the spontaneous exposure of sexual desire impulses suppressed in the subconscious, and are a sign of normal sexual psychology and physiological development. Sexual dreams are like safety valves, which can ease the accumulated sexual pressure and are conducive to the improvement and maturity of sexual organ functions.

Sexual dreams have the following main characteristics:

1. The occurrence of sexual dreams is closely related to the level of sex hormones and sexual psychology in the human body

Take women as an example, the active period of sexual dreams is mostly between 20 and 40 years old. As sexual physiology and psychology gradually mature, women will have sexual impulses, but the impulses are suppressed by reason in the awake state, but in dreams, they can be active without any constraints through the excitation focus of the cerebral cortex, so all kinds of sexual dreams appear, which are often ridiculous. From a physiological point of view, women have strong sexual desire during ovulation and premenstrual period, or after being separated from their spouses for a period of time. It is completely normal to have a sexual dream every ten days or half a month, which is not pathological.

2. The sexual object in sexual dreams is often unselectable

The survey report shows that the object of sexual dreams may be someone with whom the dreamer is deeply in love but not married, or a classmate, neighbor, relative or friend, or someone who has only met once but has no contact, or even a stranger or someone who the dreamer hates. According to another statistic, 23% of the objects of sexual dreams are strangers to the dreamer, and 56% are only once-acquainted with the dreamer. Sexual dreams are not an evil phenomenon, so there is no need to worry about it, and there is no need to feel guilty about betraying or being unfaithful to the husband.

3. The content of sexual dreams is rich and colorful, and the image of the opposite sex in the dream is erratic

Some people dream of kissing, hugging, being caressed by the opposite sex, caressing the opposite sex, some dream of having sex with the opposite sex, some only dream of seeing naked opposite sex, and some dream of having sexual contact with the same sex, etc. The image of the opposite sex in the dream is erratic, sometimes vague, sometimes clear.

4. Differences between male and female sexual dreams

The sexual dreams of men are fragmented and difficult to recall clearly after waking up. If there is no sexual experience, the dream behavior generally does not exceed his actual level of sexual knowledge. If there is sexual experience, the past experience may be recreated in the dream. Sexual dreams will not have a real impact on their emotions and behaviors. Unlike men, women’s sexual dreams are more complete and can be clearly recalled after waking up. They may even blur the boundary between dreams and reality, affecting their real emotions and behaviors.

For example, in 17th century England, nuns in a monastery in London admired a young and handsome local priest and often had sexual dreams. It started with the abbess of the monastery, and later expanded to all the nuns in the monastery. They actually took the dream seriously and believed that the priest used witchcraft to put them in a coma every night and then molested them. So they accused the priest, causing him to be burned alive.

5. Frequent sexual dreams are a symbol of physical and mental abnormalities

This abnormality can be physical or psychological: Physiologically, such as overwork, frequent and intense masturbation, wearing too tight underwear, irritating and rubbing the genitals, abnormal external genitalia, congestion and itching, urinary system inflammation, etc., it is necessary to seek symptomatic treatment from a doctor; psychologically, greater pressure and burden may lead to frequent sexual dreams, and you should seek psychological counseling from a psychologist.

6. Sexual dreams can be analyzed as follows:

Case 1

A woman is a graduate student, 27 years old, unmarried. She recently met a boy who she thinks is okay and established a romantic relationship with him. She should be happy, but she is very distressed and guilty, because after dating her boyfriend, she often dreams of having sex with her brother at night.

Why do you have such dreams? Experts believe that many young girls today are loved by their fathers and brothers at home. When they grow up, they begin to have close contact with the opposite sex outside, but subconsciously they will compare them with their fathers or brothers to see if they love them as much as they do. As a result, in the dream, the object of close contact is transferred to the brother or father. The expert told the woman that there is no need to feel guilty or distressed about this. This dream is just telling her that the current relationship may not satisfy her emotionally and spiritually.

Case 2

A woman, 29 years old, unmarried, is a freelancer. She usually relies on drawing illustrations for some magazines and books to maintain her daily expenses, and she lives comfortably. She recently found a boyfriend and likes him very much. Her boyfriend also likes her very much and appreciates her indifferent attitude towards life. They are going to get married after a while, but at this juncture, she always dreams of having crazy sex with her ex-boyfriend, which makes her very distressed and guilty.

Experts analyzed that many people dream of having sex with their former boyfriends or girlfriends, mostly because they still have some concerns in their hearts when they break up, but they don’t have the courage to say it out, and they keep it in their hearts until they are mentally prepared enough to face it. When you dream of having sex with your ex-friend, it means that you are ready to completely end the previous entanglement, although you don’t necessarily have to see that person.

Case 3

A married woman, 30 years old, works as a secretary in a company and has been very distressed recently. Why? It turns out that her colleagues like to keep small pets, some have cats and dogs, and they talk about pet trivia in the company every day. But this lady has never thought of keeping small pets because she can’t stand the smell of small animals. However, recently she always dreams of having sex with different small pets, or dreams of watching others having sex with animals, which feels incredible and shameless. So, she consulted an expert.

Experts believe that having such sexual dreams does not mean that people have abnormal psychological tendencies, but is just an indirect reflection of the bestiality in the subconscious mind of humans. This dream also suggests that the dreamer should not always be monotonous in sex, but should make some changes.

Case 4

A 33-year-old woman has been married for 4 years and the couple is very loving. They don’t plan to have children yet because they want to live a carefree world of two for a few more years. But a recent incident made the woman feel guilty: a young and handsome male neighbor moved in next door to their house, and she often dreamed of having sex with the neighbor.

Experts explained that the sexual object in sexual dreams is usually not selectable, and it may be someone. This does not mean that you are not loyal to your husband, but it is just some irrational subconscious occasional activity, so you don’t have to feel guilty.

Case 5

A married woman, 35 years old, works in an accounting firm dominated by men. She usually works diligently and rarely relaxes. Many times she thought she was not a woman. Recently, she often dreams of having sex with different women and feels very happy. After waking up, she is particularly puzzled and feels that she has no homosexual tendencies. Why is this so?

Experts explain that many people have had sexual dreams about having sex with the same sex, but this does not mean that the dreamer has homosexual tendencies. In many cases, it just means that they hope that their gender will be accepted by others. For example, this lady works in a place where there are only men, and she hopes that they will recognize her.

Psychological differences between men and women in sexual dreams

Modern psychological research has found that although sexual dreams are always somewhat fantastic and trance-like, and cannot be described in ordinary words; however, there are many interesting psychological differences between men and women in sexual dreams. It is not difficult to have sexual dreams, but why do these gender differences occur? This is still a mystery.

A man in love said to his girlfriend: “Dear, there is only you in my dreams, and I meet you in my dreams every night.”

It can be inferred that this is mostly a lie; but if this comes from the girlfriend’s mouth, it may be true.

Psychologists have noticed such a strange phenomenon that the objects of men’s dreams are always other women who have nothing to do with themselves, and rarely their sweethearts. As for women, dreams at night are more likely to be an echo of reality during the day, especially sexual dreams, which is really “what you think during the day, you dream at night”.

Sometimes, women take sexual dreams as reality and “make them come true”, but this phenomenon is extremely rare for men.

Women who take dreams as reality are often seen in real life. Psychologists believe that this may be because women are more likely to make nighttime dreams and daytime reality echo each other and mix them into one. Clinically, it is found that some women with hysterical and neurotic personalities are more likely to have such echoes, and they are extremely powerful, and sometimes they can even “make them come true”. But for men, this phenomenon is extremely rare.

Young boys who are as chaste as jade can have vivid dreams of intercourse; virgins who are in love for the first time can only dream of vague and blurred sexual scenes.

After entering puberty, most men will have sexual dreams and nocturnal emissions. Although the dreamer has never touched a female body, he can still experience real and lifelike sex scenes in his dreams. As for women, it is difficult for virgins who have just started to have sex to have clearer dreams. Most of their dreams are vague and scattered, which are far from the reality of sex in real life. Only women who have had some experience in sex can have real and clear dreams of intercourse.

Men’s sexual dreams can vent sexual repression, but women’s sexual dreams cannot relieve desire. Psychologists have found that single men often have a “sperm retention feeling” as if semen is held back and cannot be released. After each wet dream, this “sperm retention feeling” will be significantly reduced. Moreover, the stronger the pornographic content of the sexual dream and the more vivid the dream, the greater the physiological excitement it causes. After waking up, the “sperm retention feeling” will be more significantly reduced, and you may even feel calm. This is because the repressed sexual desire is vented and satisfied in the dream in a disguised and distorted form, and the self-desire and psychological conflict are balanced, and anxiety is reduced. However, for some sexually repressed women, their feelings of sexual repression did not ease after having sexual dreams. Therefore, some psychologists believe that women’s sexual dreams do not necessarily relieve sexual desire like men’s, but only indicate the existence and activity of sexual desire.