Talking about sex is a skill that needs to be learned

Almost all sexologists emphasize how important it is to communicate openly and honestly to keep a sexual relationship alive. So, what skills do we need to learn to talk about sex?

Seize the right time

If you are exhausted or angry about something else, you will inevitably bring bad emotions into the topic of sex when you sit down to talk about it. It is recommended to spend a minute talking about how each of you spent the day and figure out each other’s state. At the end of the conversation, take another minute to talk about how you feel the conversation went.

Define security

Unless you have absolute security, don’t expect both parties to be open and honest. First list what you need to do to feel safe, and then share it with your partner. The part that the two of you can agree on is most likely to become your principles.

Respect different “sexual interests”

If you want to talk about sharing sexual fantasies or things you hope to do together, then neither party should belittle, ridicule, or humiliate the “sexual interests” of your sexual partner. Of course, this does not mean that you must like what the other person wants to do. Even if you don’t want to get involved with the other person’s suggestions, you should respect their ideas.

Listen without explanation

This is probably one of the most difficult principles to follow, but it is also the most important. If you insist on explaining, try to interrupt or grab the other person’s topic, he will not feel listened to, and it may eventually lead to a bad breakup. The two should reach an agreement and strive to learn the art of listening. It is not too late to express your opinions after the other person has finished speaking.

Friendly dialogue

I hope that neither you nor your partner will deliberately hurt each other or argue with each other. When you find yourself wanting to get angry, you should immediately remind yourself to pay attention to the content of the conversation and the way of expression.

“I” Declaration

The basic principle of good communication is to avoid telling the other person how to feel or think, and think that you understand the other person’s thoughts very well. In fact, you can’t really understand them at all. All you can do is talk about your feelings. The easiest way to avoid interfering is to express your opinions from the perspective of “I”, such as “I felt this way when you did that”…

Respect different values and feelings

Many times, dealing with relationships requires compromise, but this does not mean that you have to give up your own thoughts, values and feelings. Respect each other’s different opinions and do not force either party to give up their beliefs. Although everyone will have to make some concessions in the end, everyone should have the right to be listened to at the beginning.

Special you, special problem

Try to be more special and avoid saying general clichés, such as “You always do this” and “Why can’t I do it well?”. If you find that your partner is vague, ambiguous, or general, let him (her) further clarify and ask more questions to help both of you better understand the crux of the problem.

Stop at any time

In order to make the conversation safe and relaxed, everyone should have a full sense of freedom. This does not mean that you should suddenly leave without grace when the other person is talking, but that the two people should reach an agreement that both parties can ask for a pause or end at any time and agree to find a time to continue later.

Confidentiality agreement

Everyone hopes that the conversation between two people is absolutely private, and the two people should also have an agreement on this aspect, such as “Can I tell my bestie?” No matter what “terms” are agreed upon, you must abide by them and do not violate the “confidentiality” agreement without authorization.