Harmony of sexual life after marriage

Xiao Zhang, a textile worker, and Xiao Chen, a technician, were newly married and happy. But as time went by, Xiao Chen found that his wife had less and less requirements and interest in sex life, and even a little bored. This cast a shadow on their sweet married life. They were troubled and depressed in their minds. They wanted to consult a gynecologist, but were too shy to speak up. In fact, male and female sexual activities are an instinct given to the human body by nature, just like the circulation, breathing, digestion, excretion and other life activities in the body. It is neither obscene, shameful or shameful, nor is it necessary to avoid talking about it or avoid seeing a doctor, let alone regard it as mysterious or indescribable. Only by fully understanding the sexual physiological activities of the human body and correctly mastering the knowledge in this area can the married family life be more harmonious and happy. As a gynecologist, I often encounter couples with disharmonious sexual life after marriage in my work. In order to help them solve their doubts and difficulties, relieve their worries and cure their diseases, let’s talk about the relevant issues below.

The emotional basis of harmonious sex life

Sexual activities between husband and wife are one of the normal contents of life, because the desire and sexual demands of men and women are normal physiological phenomena, and are also the instinct of human reproduction and race continuation. Harmonious sex life can not only add new content and vitality to the original love between men and women, but also often make the marriage relationship of husband and wife more consolidated and the family life more happy and satisfactory. A happy family life enables couples to obtain more sexual enjoyment and satisfaction. However, from the germination of love between men and women, passionate love, to the conclusion of marriage, it is not only the attraction of the opposite sex and the instinctive demand, but more importantly, the harmony of “sex, emotion, ambition, and interest”. A happy and satisfactory family life and a harmonious and pleasant sex life are based on the mutual adaptation, mutual respect and mutual love between husband and wife. In the process of mutual support, if both parties have noble sentiments, healthy sexual psychology and sexual motivation, tacit understanding, openness, mutual respect, love and consideration, they will inevitably cultivate a mutually dependent psychology and a sweet relationship. The combination of sincere love and harmonious sex life will make family life full of joy and make people’s spirit and morality civilized and noble. The euphoric mood brought about by it has a subtle impact on human health. As the saying goes, “loving couples live long and are healthy.” In this way, the love between husband and wife after marriage can be “constantly renewed, grown, and created” as Lu Xun said. On the contrary, if the union between men and women is only due to the attraction of the opposite sex and the requirements of sexual instinct, but not based on feelings, then, although there are sweet words and vows before marriage, as time goes by, the short-term impulse will gradually fade away, and the marriage will become a painful “life sentence.” As Marx’s wife Jenny said: “A marriage without love is nothing more than a vulgar contract, rusty chains, and mutual torture, and there will never be any happiness.”

Physiological factors of harmonious sex life

Harmonious and coordinated sex life, love alone is not enough, because sex life is a way for couples to obtain sexual satisfaction. In addition to the different structures of male and female sexual organs, it also contains many more complex physiological factors, and also involves some methods and methods. According to statistics, most of the reasons for the disharmony of sexual life after marriage are due to the lack of sexual knowledge and the lack of understanding of the normal differences in sexual function between men and women. Therefore, they cannot cooperate with each other tacitly, and over the years, resentment accumulates and gradually turns against each other, resulting in conflicts and misunderstandings. In summary, there are some differences between male and female sexual functions:

First, generally adult men and women have sexual desires and sexual demands, but men have stronger and more vigorous sexual desires, and the differences between different individuals are not large. Women’s sexual desire is relatively weak, and the differences between different individuals are large, which is affected by many factors such as age, physique, personality, health status, thinking state, fatigue level, sexual life experience after marriage, climate and environment.

Second, men’s sexual impulse can be aroused at any time. Once aroused, they quickly reach climax, and on the other hand, they also subside quickly. Women’s sexual impulse occurs slowly, generally taking more than 10 minutes or even more than half an hour to reach climax, and the climax lasts longer and disappears more slowly. Some women’s sexual impulses are also related to the menstrual cycle. For example, before and after the menstrual period or around the ovulation period, sexual desire is easily aroused or there is a natural demand.
Third, there are differences in the way men and women express their sexual desire. Men’s sexual desire is easily aroused by vision, mostly concentrated on the sexual organs. Once the sexual impulse is aroused, they immediately have the desire and demand for sexual intercourse. Women’s sexual desire is more complex and extensive, and they are easily aroused by touch. They often like to talk about love, caress and hug. After reaching a certain level of sexual excitement, they have stronger sexual demands.
Fourth, generally men can get sexual satisfaction after ejaculation, while women’s sexual excitement increases, although they will also have muscle contractions and rhythmic beatings similar to men, accompanied by pleasure, and achieve sexual satisfaction. But generally speaking, women’s sexual climax is not as obvious and strong as men’s, and many women (especially newly married women) do not reach climax every time they have sex. Some women gradually experience sexual climax after a long period of marriage, which is normal.
Since there are the above-mentioned major differences between male and female sexual desires, if the sexual life between husband and wife is not harmonious, they should check and compare based on these differences, find out the reasons for the disharmony, work together to find solutions, and strive to adapt to each other. Through exploration, they can jointly create a happy and harmonious sex life.

Other factors affecting the harmony of sexual life

In sexual life, pleasure is the most basic and primitive joy. Among the most basic physiological needs of human beings, moderate sexual life can make people get spiritual satisfaction, which is manifested as energetic, happy life, and vigorous work. Sexual pleasure is a common need of both men and women. Both parties must cooperate with each other, be considerate of each other, and satisfy each other, and never just care about themselves. It must be pointed out that part of the reasons for the disharmony of sexual life are related to unhealthy sexual psychology and incorrect sexual motivation. Some men have serious feudal or bourgeois ideas, and regard marriage as sexual possession of women. They replace all family life with sex life. In order to satisfy their own sexual desires, they do not respect the wishes of the other party, force the other party to obey, or only care about personal venting without considering the other party’s satisfaction. They regard their wives as tools for venting their desires and machines for bearing children. Some even try to numb themselves and conquer the other party with sexual stimulation. These people indulge in “Luoyan” and Fangxuan all day long, indulge in lust, pursue temporary pleasure and satisfaction, and ignore the woman’s body and energy. On the other hand, a few women complain, resent, and even despise and insult the other party because their temporary sexual desires cannot be satisfied; some women regard their attraction to the opposite sex as a special honor, and their attitude towards sexual relations is extremely frivolous, engaging in extramarital affairs and extramarital sex. All these are incorrect attitudes towards sexual life, which will inevitably lead to the breakdown of the relationship between husband and wife and cause family tragedy over time.
In addition, there are many other factors that cause disharmony in sexual life after marriage. Some of them are caused by the man’s rude behavior on the wedding night, or blindly superstitious about the “value” of the hymen, leaving the root of disharmony. Some are caused by the fact that both men and women or one of them has some kind of sexual dysfunction. Some are caused by external factors, such as poor living conditions, and some are caused by internal factors, such as unnecessary concerns or fears about sexual life, or fear of pregnancy, causing mental tension, anxiety, etc. Generally speaking, these factors can be overcome easily through learning some basic medical knowledge, or appropriate treatment, and with mutual consideration and understanding between husband and wife, close cooperation, and gradual adaptation, so that sexual life becomes harmonious and happy.