New mother’s “sex happiness” strategy: feeding the baby, loving the father

Having a baby is a happy thing. But from that day on, many people’s sex happiness index began to go downhill. Yes, as a new mother, every minute is occupied by the child. When the house is full of diapers and bottles, when the baby, this little “devil”, occupies all your time, sex? That was N years ago! Even if you finally squeeze out some time, the quality and quantity can’t be compared with the past…
How to save sex in the post-baby era?
New mother’s complaint 1: “Hey”? I want to have a good sleep!
Scene playback: I want to be intimate with him, but when I see the milk stains and diapers all over the bed, the sleepiness can’t be suppressed, and I have no idea. I have been with my baby for too long, he almost “grows” on me, and I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore. I want to know, can I still regain my passion for sex? ——Taozi, 31 years old

Expert interpretation: Many women who have just experienced childbirth will complain that they have become “cold” and no longer desire intimate contact. People’s emotions seem to have a “limit”. When they are overly involved in one thing, other things will not interest them. In other words, for new mothers, the appeal of having sex is much less than the appeal of having a good night’s sleep. Dr. Matthew, head of the New Star Pregnancy and Infant Agency in California, said: “A couple has too much pressure in life. If they have children, sex is easily neglected.” Isn’t it? In the past, your nightlife may be filled with romantic music, but now it is filled with the crying of children. A survey by Dr. Matthew showed that within one year after giving birth, 45% of women generally gave up sex because they had to take care of the baby’s sleep problems. Only 6% of people had sex 3 times a week, and 60% of people had sex less than 3 times a month.

Countermeasures:

1. Increase the priority of having sex

Before having children, “having sex” was a natural thing for couples. But after having children, time and energy are often affected by children and are not easy to control. Sex sometimes requires advance planning and arrangement. Both husband and wife may be very busy, but if you want a happy marriage, you must sacrifice some of your own arrangements and give priority to sex. For example, on nights when children go to bed early, parents also go to bed early so that both parties have enough energy to “fight”.

2. Temporarily transfer children

Dr. Matthew’s survey shows that compared with couples who live with their children seven days a week, couples with nannies to help take care of their children have sex 1 to 3 times a month on average, and the latter’s chance of emotional crisis will also drop by three percentage points. The Canadian Women’s Sexual Health Association calls for at least one night every two weeks and one weekend every three months to entrust your children to others, be alone with your husband, and try to make love as lingeringly as possible. Don’t blame yourself for temporarily staying away from your children. No one will ask new mothers to sacrifice everything for their children, especially love.

Link: Don’t compete with yourself

Comparing sex life before and after childbirth is a stupid game, especially comparing sex frequency. Now is the time to pay attention to the quality of sex, and stop worrying about how many times a week. Being willing to try sex is a positive attitude, and you will feel better and better. Quality is better than quantity. Because your body has not fully recovered and you don’t get enough sleep at night, a high-quality sex can relax your nerves and meet your physical and mental needs, but too many times will definitely overwhelm you, so you should negotiate with your husband and pursue the quality of sex rather than the quantity.

New mother’s complaint 2: Pain! Continuous pain!

Scene playback: I recently found that after having a baby, I always feel very painful when I am with him, and it is the kind of tearing pain. After experiencing the pain of childbirth, I seem to have no motivation for sex anymore. We used to have sex three times a week, but now I am grateful for once a week. Even during sex, I don’t secrete love juice, but just feel very painful. Is there something wrong with my body? I am worried that I will never find the joy of sex again! —— Lida, 30 years old

Expert interpretation: About 63% of women in the world will experience perineal pain after childbirth, and 10% of people will still experience pain 12 to 18 months after childbirth. This is related to the wound of episiotomy in primiparas. The wound of the perineal incision usually takes 7 days to heal and the sutures are removed. At this time, the surface tissue of the perineum has long been healed, but the deep muscle layer and fascia need 6 to 8 weeks to repair. If you resume sexual life too early, it may cause the wound to rupture and bleed. Generally, women can have sex 6 weeks after childbirth, but this may be as painful as the first time having sex.

Countermeasures: 1. Use lubricants

If the pain is caused by dry sex organs, you can easily get rid of it with lubricants. Postpartum women are in the lactation period. Due to the high secretion of prolactin in the body, the normal endocrine function of the ovaries will be inhibited, causing the vagina to lack sufficient estrogen support, and the secretion capacity of the glands will be reduced, resulting in a feeling of pain and dryness during sex. After the lactation period, this phenomenon will gradually improve.
2. Numbers: 20:30:10 minutes

Sexologist Kinsey pointed out that the principle of 20:30:10 minutes must be followed during postpartum sex. Fully prepare for sexual arousal, at least 20 minutes of foreplay each time, so that the sexual organs are fully moisturized and avoid dryness and pain during “hey”. The time of each “hey” should be controlled within 30 minutes. Side-type sex can effectively avoid and relieve the occurrence of pain. After orgasm, you should also do at least 10 minutes of sexual organ massage to relieve the discomfort caused by organ congestion, which is conducive to the recovery of psychological and physical pain.

Link: Abstinence for 6 weeks

Under normal circumstances, the perineal wound of natural childbirth will be completely healed 4 weeks after delivery. After 6 weeks, the uterus will be completely restored to normal. However, there will still be dull pain at this time, so we recommend that you slowly resume your sexual life 6 weeks after delivery. In addition, if it is a cesarean section, in addition to the incision on the abdomen, the wound on the uterus must also heal, and the recovery time will be longer. It is recommended to start sexual life 3 months after delivery. If you start sexual life too early after delivery, the chance of suffering from vaginitis will increase by 20%.

New mother complaint 3: Yes, he “used to” be so obsessed with my body…

Scene playback: The most obvious change after delivery is that my body shape is completely out of shape. After becoming obese, my physical strength will decrease, and I will not be very sensitive to my husband’s caress. Having sex is just to satisfy him, and I don’t feel any pleasure at all. When the baby was just one month old, he kept sending “sex” signals to me. I was extremely depressed when I thought about how obsessed he was with my body and said that my exquisite figure was naturally attractive to men. Now my figure is completely out of shape, and my upper and lower parts are equally thick. My husband must be complaining in his heart. ——Yueyue, 32 years old

Expert interpretation: You are not Victoria, but your husband is definitely not Beckham. If you have never disliked his rib chest or “life buoy” when you are honest with each other, then he should not care about your “bag chest” and “hippo hip”. Learn to appreciate the changes in your body. Childbirth may make you bloated, but at the same time, your body shape and skin will be fuller and more elastic than before, even the vulva will become softer, the vagina will be more tense, and more sensitive to caressing. Appreciate the changes in your body and explore the new sexiness carefully. You will be delighted to find that you are truly mature as a woman. Your bodies have not been truly integrated for a long time. You may feel unfamiliar with each other during the first sex after childbirth. You can try to do some naked hugs first to find the previous intimate feeling, and then guide him to get familiar with various parts of your body again and tell him what you want him to do.

Countermeasures: 1. Sleep 2 more hours

Researchers found that if a new mother sleeps less than 5 hours a day when the child is 6 months old, then when the child is 1 year old, she will gain an extra 5 kilograms of weight compared to mothers who sleep 7 hours a day. If a woman sleeps less one year after giving birth than six months after giving birth, it will be twice as difficult for her to lose weight. Other studies have also confirmed that reduced sleep time will lead to hormonal changes and increase appetite, which should also be an important reason for their weight gain. Therefore, Dr. Matthew solemnly pointed out that for the health of themselves and their children, new mothers must seriously consider how to increase their and their children’s sleep time.

2. Numbers speak: 83% VS 42%

A survey conducted in Virginia, USA, showed that women who are not anxious about their poor figure have a high chance of reaching orgasm during sexual intercourse of more than 83%; in comparison, those women who are always worried about their figure have a chance of reaching orgasm during sex of only 42%.

Link: Breastfeeding saves sexual interest

A very safe and effective way to lose weight and enlarge breasts after childbirth is to insist on breastfeeding. Because during breastfeeding, the action of the baby sucking the nipple will constantly stimulate the breast tissue in the mother’s breast that secretes milk, and the more external stimulation the breast tissue receives, the more developed it is. At the same time, breastfeeding is also the best way to lose weight after childbirth. In the first three months of breastfeeding, mothers can use breastfeeding to consume 100 to 150 kcal of stored fat in their bodies every day. In a month, breastfeeding mothers will consume 18,000 to 19,500 calories more than non-breastfeeding mothers. These calories are equivalent to the calories needed by a medium-sized woman for 10 days.